Casual sex is a highly divisive issue all around the world. Many people love it and swear by it, while many don’t see a point in sharing a bed with someone they don’t love and may never even see again. Others want to love it, but often realize after engaging in a one-night stand that they have made a mistake.
And that’s completely normal. Casual sex is definitely not for everyone. Not every person will feel great after hooking up with someone, mainly because they want more than a one-night stand. They don’t want a “no strings attached” experience. They want all the strings and all the romantic intricacies that come with it.
What about you? What type of sexual person are you? Do you have to be in a relationship to have sex, or have you come at a point in your life when you realized that you can have fun without being in a relationship, and without getting heartbroken?
If you’re thinking about practicing casual sex, you should definitely stop for a moment and really think about that decision. You don’t want to do something that you are not comfortable with and that will make you feel bad about yourself later. You need to be absolutely sure that you can actually handle casual sex before hooking up.
Ask yourself the following questions to figure out whether you’re ready for casual sex or you should hold out for a relationship.
1. Is Casual Sex Something I Will Truly Enjoy?
Dr. Joanne Davila and relationship expert Kaycee Lashman, the authors of “The Thinking Girl’s Guide to the Right Guy: How Knowing Yourself Can Help You Navigate Dating, Hookups, and Love” say that “A healthy hookup is about three things: you know what you want, you and your partner are on the same page about why you’re hooking up, and it’s a good sexual experience for both of you.”
If you think casual sex is something that you want and that you will truly enjoy the act, then, by all means, go for it. If you think that you won’t feel bad about it afterward, because you are not really looking to settle down, then hooking up can be a wonderful experience for you.
Many people realize they don’t enjoy hooking up because they feel guilty or ashamed afterward. They feel judged by other people and stop themselves from realizing their sexual desires.
But you know what? Sexual drive is perfectly normal. And we’re not only talking about reproduction. Sex is a completely natural way of physical intimacy, so it’s definitely not wrong to share it with someone you don’t actually love. If the other person is game, nothing should stop you from hooking up.
You should be able to choose whatever you enjoy unless your choices end up hurting you and other people involved. If you enjoy casual sex, don’t let anybody judge you. You’re an adult, and you can choose who and how you want to be with. The choice is yours and yours alone, and there’s absolutely no harm in realizing your sexual desires and fantasies.
2. Am I Hoping for a Possibility of a Long-Term Relationship?
If you actually want to find a partner for a romantic relationship by exploring various options for hooking up, then casual sex is not a good idea for you. True, lots of relationships started off with casual hookups, but who can say for sure that yours will too?
It’s definitely not uncommon to enter into a casual relationship hoping and wishing for it to turn into something more serious. But that’s a big gamble, so you shouldn’t do it if you cannot afford to lose.
Casual sex can complicate things quite a lot if you’re actually looking for a relationship. If you are a relationship person who tends to fall in love easily, you can develop romantic feelings before you even know it and end up getting heartbroken if your hookup doesn’t share the same relationship goals.
If you don’t want the same things, things could go really bad. So, refrain from having casual sex is you’re searching for “the one”. It is a huge leap of faith that you definitely wouldn’t want to take. Don’t risk it and don’t settle for sex if you want so much more, and you will save yourself a lot of headaches and stress down the line.
If you are not looking for a long-term relationship just yet, then nothing is stopping you from having casual sex without feelings. It’s actually pretty great to do it until you are completely ready to settle down, as it will keep you on top of your game.
Exploring your options and changing sexual partners may actually help you find yourself and figure out who you are both sexually and romantically. You may find out what it is that you really want in a relationship, so you will be perfectly prepared to have a healthy and happy one once you are ready for it.
Moreover, casual sex will cause your confidence and self-esteem to spike, your stress will become non-existent, and your mood and overall health will improve dramatically. All the more reason to do it!
3. Will I Be OK with Not Hearing from My Hookup Again?
This may be a bit similar to the previous question of looking for an emotional attachment, but there is actually a slight difference. What if the person you hooked up once doesn’t want to do it again? Would you be OK with that, or would you feel a bit hurt and offended?
It’s completely normal not to want to hook up with someone again if the two of you are not really sexually compatible. It happens all the time, and you could actually be the one to want to avoid that person after having sex with them.
But what if you put it out there and they reject you? How would that make you feel?
If you think or know for sure that you would be hurt, maybe casual sex isn’t such a good idea for you. You need to be able to keep literally all the feelings in a separate box if you’re about to hook up with someone, except for the feelings of passion and sexual desire, of course. Otherwise, it would be like being in a relationship, and a destructive one at that. And you certainly don’t want that to happen.
All of this is especially vital to consider if you want to hook up with a friend who will likely stay an important part of your life. If your friend with benefits decides to end your casual-sex relationship, would you be perfectly fine with it? Would you get jealous if they fall in love with someone else?
We’re entering a whole other issue here, but still, you need to be absolutely sure that you’re up to it, no matter who it is with. If not, you need to be honest about it, which leads us to the next question.
4. Will I Be Able to Communicate Honestly?
Communicating honestly about everything is the key to having a healthy hookup. If you are not honest right from the start, then you simply won’t get off on the right foot. Both of you need to be on the same page, so you need to communicate openly, whether it’s about your goals and expectations, your boundaries, or your sexual fantasies.
If either one of you is not honest, plenty of complications can arise. In order to really keep things casual, you need to be honest with each other. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to say what you want, and encourage your partner to do the same, because it will get any confusion and misunderstandings out of the way.
If you get at a point where you don’t feel like engaging in casual sex with a particular person anymore, feel free to say it. If you perhaps start feeling something more, don’t be afraid to say that as well. If they don’t feel the same and you scare them off, good riddance.
But if that person was feeling the same all the while but was afraid to say it and scare you off, then that honesty could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship. You simply never know, so always speak your mind.
If you think you can do all that without getting hurt, then your casual-sex encounters will be really fun and exciting.
5. Is Hooking Up about My Ex?
If hooking up is just an excuse to feel less lonely after a breakup, then avoid the act at all cost. If you are still on the rebound, hurting from your ex ending your romantic relationship, hooking up will only make you more miserable.
This is because you are an emotional mess right now, not at all ready for being intimate with another person in any way. Your emotions are all over the place, so you may either start missing your ex incredibly or develop an illusion that you are falling in love with your hookup, which may be even worse.
Even if all you are trying to do is hurt your ex by perhaps making them jealous, engaging in a sexual encounter with a new person may only lead to you being hurt, no one else.
Therefore, if you happen to be on the rebound, you should seriously stay away from hookups and find some other outlet for your pain. If perhaps months have passed from your breakup and you feel like you are ready to get it on with someone new, you should still stop for a second and ask yourself if your ex has anything to do with it.
Be absolutely sure that you want to find yourself a booty call because you really want to enjoy a pure act of passionate sex, nothing more. Otherwise, it will cause more harm than good, and you may go back to being tormented by that whirlwind of stressful and confusing emotions.
6. Will I Be Able to Practice Safe Sex?
This is the most important question to ask yourself. Sex can be awesome only if it’s safe, so never engage in it if you don’t have protection. As simple as that. You know how STDs can be dangerous, not to mention that you may end up with an unwanted pregnancy, so always practice safe sex, no matter what.
If you are someone who doesn’t have a tendency of using condoms, think about the other person for a moment. If you don’t respect yourself enough to practice safe sex, don’t pressure other people to do the same. If that’s who you are, you seriously need to rethink your actions.
On the other hand, if you feel pressured to have unprotected sex, even if you’re a woman on the pill, simply leave and don’t look back. There are so many people out there who will respect you, and themselves, enough to want to enjoy safe sex with you.
Sex doesn’t have to be about love. It is a pure act of passion that’s all about sheer pleasure, about enjoying the physical intimacy with another person. It is not necessarily about emotional attachment. What’s more, it significantly improves your health, so the more often you engage in sex, the healthier you will be. Of course, as long as you practice safe sex.
But if you’re not game, then simply don’t do it. There is absolutely no shame in admitting that casual sex is not for you. Not all of us enjoy it, so you should never be ashamed to say that you’re simply not into it.
Some may say that you’re immature for not seeing sex as an act of physical intimacy that doesn’t have to be about love and romance, but you’re actually mature if you honestly say that it is simply not something you enjoy. You know who you are and what you want, so what could be more mature than that?