The amount of casual dating has been growing in the past couple of years. Powered by various dating and hookup apps casual dating has grown into a full-blown culture and many people are setting aside committed relationships. Despite the fact that there are more people being casual than ever, there is still a large stigma around it, and many people like to point fingers.
This goes both for men and women, as guys are seen as weak with no morals and typical “fuckboys” without any emotion. On the other hand, girls are seen as sluts and they are often shamed, by other girls especially. The world is heading in a direction where maintaining relationships can be extremely difficult.
Furthermore, more and more people aren’t buying into marriage and monogamous relationships. With this in mind, it’s no surprise that more and more people are turning to casual relationships. If you decided to do this, you will have to learn how to avoid getting shamed and stigmatized while enjoying sex.
You Must Believe in Yourself
The first thing you must do before you start casual dating is to have a talk with yourself. There are multiple reasons for this and doing it can help you clear out certain doubts in your head and come to important conclusions that will help you feel better overall. One of the most important things you need to figure out is whether you really want to date casually.
A lot of people think that they do, but they don’t really and when it comes to actually going through with it, they can’t. What are your reasons for wanting to hook up? Have you ever had casual sex? Do you fall in love easily? All of these are questions you need to answer to get to know yourself better.
If you are not convinced in casual dating altogether, then you might have doubts about it alone without anyone saying anything to you. In these situations, when someone does shame you for it, you will feel even worse and maybe even stop doing it altogether.
Clear out the boundaries in your head and look at casual dating objectively and you will see that there’s nothing wrong with it. When you are at peace with yourself about what you are doing, you will be able to fight off people who judge you and try to force guilt on you.
Know Why You Are Dating Casually
Once you’ve cleared out everything with yourself on an emotional level, you need to think about all the things that have driven you into casually dating on a rational level. Are you too busy with your work and you simply can’t find time for a committed emotional relationship?
Are you tired of long-term relationships and you simply need to take a break from all of that while enjoying some quality sex you actually need? Have you been cheated in the past and you simply don’t feel that you can trust another person for some time and you need to unwind?
There are just some of the reasons why people often get into casual dating. You need to ask yourself these questions and figure out why you are doing it. This is how you will further reinforce your will to date casually and be able to fight off anyone who tries to shame you.
In most cases, people like to present those in the hookup culture as people who don’t want to think, so they get into casual dating just because they want to make it easy on themselves. But knowing all of these things will help you explain your position and show others that things aren’t so simple.
We are Sexual Beings
In many cultures sex has always been kept as sort of a “public secret” and it’s not accepted well if someone talks about their sexuality out in the open. It is looked upon as immoral and promiscuous but humans are sexual beings and there is nothing wrong with admitting that you want to have sex and that you enjoy doing it.
We all need sex and it carries both physical and mental benefits. People who aren’t in a relationship for whatever reason deserve to have sex as well and they often miss it. This is why most of them get into hooking up with people they don’t know.
One of the reasons why there is such a stigma around casual sex is because the whole hookup culture is more open towards sex and people aren’t shy of talking about it. Sex is nothing bad and nobody should be blamed for having it or looked at as some deviant.
We all have it and enjoy it as much as we can because it’s simply that great. You shouldn’t feel shame because you are having more sex than someone else and with different partners. In fact, they are probably jealous and that’s why they are judging you.
It Isn’t for Everyone
Some of the stigma pointed towards casual sex comes from the fact that many people aren’t capable of having it. They simply don’t enjoy having sex with strangers and feel more comfortable having sex with someone they are involved with emotionally. There is no right or wrong in this case, it all comes down to the individual.
If you enjoy having casual sex, it doesn’t mean that your best friend will have fun as well. At the same time, someone might not be in that place where they are ready for a long-term committed relationship and there is nothing wrong with this. If someone is sharing their negative experiences about casual sex with you, don’t get sucked into feeling bad as well.
Just because it didn’t work for them it doesn’t mean it shouldn’t work for you. It goes both ways, and you should also avoid forcing your opinions and experiences on someone else if they aren’t having any of it. People are different on so many different levels and having different opinions about hooking up is nothing strange.
Be Responsible at What You’re Doing
The potential lack of responsibility is what is always highlighted as the bad side of casual relationships. There are a lot of people who have casual sex with their partners while lying to them, manipulating them, and not taking any responsibility for what they are doing. At the same time, even if their intentions are discovered there is nobody to condemn them.
Their partners just end up feeling used without anyone giving them the reassurance they deserve. The best way to break this stigma is to simply be the opposite. Having sex casually doesn’t mean you can’t be responsible. Tell your partner if you have other sex buddies, be transparent, and tell them your intentions.
On the other hand, make sure that you have a code concerning protection, no matter if you’re a guy or a woman. Always make sure to bring protection and use it at all times. This is how you will ensure your safety and combat the stigma of the hookup culture being full of STDs and unwanted pregnancies.
Explain How It Works for You
One of the easiest and most decent ways to break the stigma of casual sex is to simply reflect on your sexual encounter and how they’ve affected your life. A lot of people think that those who engage in casual sex encounters are, in fact, just sad, depressed, and unsatisfied and that this is only a reflection of their self-destructive behavior.
When someone comes to you with this kind of attitude, the worst thing you can possible do is to go into defensive mode. The best way to approach this kind of conversation is to be honest with yourself and reflect on all the good things that happened to you since you started hooking up.
Of course, there will be negative experiences but you should tell them how hooking up has made your life easier, how you feel better, how it helps deal with stress, and how you simply enjoy safe sex and explore your sexuality. No need to invent anything new, just tell them how you are feeling and how the whole thing works for you personally.
Casual Sex Helps You Stay in Form Until You Find Someone You Like
Let’s face it, when you’ve been going without sex for a long time, you lose confidence and start feeling insecure, no matter if you are a man or a woman. When the time comes for you to get into a relationship or you start dating someone, you might have a big difficulty getting back into it, especially if you’ve been on a long draught.
The longer you go without sex, the scarier it will be to when the moment comes to jump into bed. However, hookups aren’t only about sex, you will also have that intimacy and closeness which are normal in relationships, meaning that you will be prepared when the time comes for dating.
If you start your relationship with those kinds of frustrations and boundaries, it can be difficult to maintain it and make something of it. It’s better to come prepared free of any inhibitions and you will be better at your relationships. Just think about it, many people are stuck in poor relationships because they don’t have the confidence to find someone else.
On the other hand, some people don’t realize just how bad sex with someone is because they are so sexually deprived that they would hump a pillow. After some time, when they realize the situation, it’s already too late and they are emotionally attached to someone who isn’t right for them.
Sex Teaches People About Relationships
Each encounter with new people, no matter if it’s sexual or not is a new experience through which you can learn new things. These experiences can not only teach you more about yourself, your sexual likes, dislikes and what kind of person you are, but you will also be able to learn more about people and how you look at them.
People and society change constantly and if you live your life by the current dogma, you will have a lot of disappointments and negative experiences through life when you actually realize what things are like. Our societies are telling us to listen to the dogma blindly instead of trying out things and learning through mistakes.
People are different and sex is different, it shouldn’t be a taboo to explore your sexuality and learn more about people. Casual relationships help you learn about people and which types you like or dislike. Just think about your past relationships, there are surely many things you would have done differently if you knew better, and this helps you come prepared.
You Aren’t Harming Anyone
The only thing that is actually bothering people who have traditional views is that people who hookup are breaking their norms. They don’t understand how having casual sexual encounters can actually be good for two people and how they can enjoy it.
There is nothing wrong with two adults having consensual sex and it shouldn’t be anyone else’s business. It’s your body and your life and the only person that might be unsatisfied with you in this case is your fuck buddy, and he or she has the right to quit the relationship if they want to, with no strings attached.
Earlier we mentioned that being casual can help you in your future relationships and from that perspective you are, in fact, helping someone, as you will get better at sex and at relationships. This show that the stigma is actually only traditional and it comes from many generations thinking a certain way without any rationality behind it.
The most important thing is to stay true to yourself and be responsible and the stigma will go away in time. We can’t expect it to disappear in just a couple of generations but change is imminent. Show that casual dating is not reserved for dishonest and slimy people, it’s for everyone and it can be a positive experience that improves your life in many ways.