Things have changed drastically in our culture concerning sex. Today we are more open about it, people talk about sex and share information. What’s even more different today than 30 years ago is that people can have casual sex with no strings attached without being judged by everyone.
This is especially true for women, as today we have more sexual rights than ever before and we are free to do with our bodies whatever we want. However, it doesn’t mean that there are no difficulties and dangers lurking in the hookup culture.
Simply put, if you are a woman and you are tired of being in committed relationships and want to enjoy casual sex, you can do it, but you need to do it the right way to make sure everything goes smoothly. This guide can help you do this even if you have never tried hooking up with men online.
How It’s Different for Women
For most guys looking to hook up online, the process involves swiping their screen countless times until they feel they’ve found the perfect woman according to their taste. For girls, on the other hand, most dating sites or apps are full of creepy guys.
Expect to see a lot of dick pics you don’t want to see, read terrible pickup lines, and overall encounter a lot of douchebags. This discourages a lot of women and they don’t feel comfortable with going through all of that to find a quality date they can hook up with.
Still, not all guys you find online are like that and you can find someone you actually enjoy talking to. You will have to be picky and ignore a lot of guys before you can find one who seems normal and interesting.
Don’t Feel Ashamed
For a lot of women who want to start having casual sexual encounters, it can be difficult to overcome the shame or guilt they are feeling. Sadly, this is a completely normal reaction for people who have been only in committed relationships and had sex with their boyfriends/girlfriends.
However, there is still an undeniable stigma around women who are open about their sexuality and like to have sex with no strings attached. Men who have a lot of different sex partners are looked at as masculine, dominant, and successful while women are looked at as sluts in most cases.
You need to overcome this barrier before you make any steps towards hooking up. If your mind is constantly pressured by these feelings, you won’t be comfortable when hooking up.
There is no reason to be ashamed and you have the complete right to do this if you want to. If you have friends who have experience with casual dating, talk to them to get some reassurance.
Find The Right Dating App/Site
Finding the right app or website for hooking up is crucial. First of all, there are a lot of fake apps that don’t have a lot of real people there, and most of those who are on the app are creeps.
You should stay away from those kinds of places. On the other hand, even with Tinder being one of the most popular hookup apps, there are many issues that go along with such a great number of people.
The issue with such large platforms is that people who wanted to date casually and potentially have sex with strangers have slowly disappeared. Today you can find a lot of horny incels that are simply disgusting and see other human beings solely as holes and sausages that they can make use of.
There are smaller but great alternative apps like Lucky hookup app where you can have more success and avoid many nuisances. Furthermore, you need a platform that can be used discreetly without anyone finding out you are hooking up unless, of course, you want them to.
Take Care of Your Privacy
Online privacy is very important, no matter what you are doing on the web. When it comes to hooking up online and dating, it’s especially important that you take care of your privacy for two reasons:
- 1. There are a lot of creeps who might want to steal your personal information.
- 2. The consequences of losing this kind of information on hookup apps could be devastating.
The first thing you need to do is to find a platform that is on its own secured really well and doesn’t have any previous history of information leakage. Additionally, you need to find a dating app that doesn’t require any personal information and where you can be completely anonymous to people you aren’t interested in.
However, not only should you look for an app that doesn’t demand this kind of information, but you should also make sure that you don’t make a mistake in adding anything that’s really unnecessary.
The Bio is Important
Both men and women forget about the bio and how important it is. Your bio can help you make connections with people that you might like, and if not done properly, you will get messages from those creeps you would like to avoid. The same thing applies when choosing a potential match, you need to pay attention to their bio, as it can tell you a lot about them.
The bio needs to be short and sweet and quickly give someone that glimpse of your personality. However, it can’t be basic in any way, as you need to stand out if you want to hookup. Don’t ever leave your bio completely empty and avoid swiping right on accounts that have no bio as well.
Having a whole essay in a bio is also a red flag. Nobody cares about you so much that they will want to spend minutes reading your whole bio. The point is to say something that will get people interested in learning more about you and, if everything goes well, hook up.
Don’t Oversell Yourself
Your whole profile needs to be honest. You will see a lot of profiles of guys claiming that they have an Anaconda for a love stick and that they will “rock your world”.
However, there are also many women that do this but in more subtle ways. If you don’t have a lot of sexual experience and you don’t feel really confident, that’s absolutely fine and you shouldn’t try to act that way.
If you lie on your bio and photoshop your picture, it could lead to disastrous situations. First of all, when you meet a guy and he realizes that you falsely represented yourself, chances are that he will blow you off. This is never a good feeling, even when it happens on a casual date with nothing serious involved.
On the other hand, setting up expectations too high could leave the guy disappointed and if it’s not good for him, it won’t be good for you either. In the end, you will put too much pressure on yourself to deliver what you promised and this is never a good idea, especially when you don’t have any experience with online dating.
The Picture is Very Important
The same rule for your bio goes for your picture as well. Depending on your picture, you will attract different kinds of guys. Sexy and slutty is good, but if you overdo it, you can expect to receive messages like “Do you suck?” or something like that. Now, if you want to avoid that, pay attention to what kind of selfie you put out there.
Avoid putting shots of your breasts alone, your ass, or something like that. At the same time, don’t be a hypocrite and swipe right guys with “Mr.Casanova” photos without shirts and angles that almost show their family jewels.
Also, make sure to avoid pictures of your crotch or someone else’s. Remember that your photo needs to show how you look so that the guy you are meeting with can recognize you.
Putting teasing images is a great idea but be moderate and don’t overdo it. This will show a clear signal of what kind of conversation you want to have and how you want others to treat you. At the same time, interesting photos that leave questions unanswered can be great conversation starters.
With this in mind, let’s get to the next important thing on our list.
The First Message
The first thing you should know is that as a girl you will be getting a lot of messages from various guys. This can be a bit overwhelming at the start before you get used to it. Even if you don’t have a slutty picture, you can expect a lot of messages and sadly most of them are probably going to be generic and uninteresting.
You are probably going to get a lot of messages that go something like “Hi”, “Hey you”, “What’s up?”. This isn’t necessarily bad because, let’s face it, in the hookup world people are constantly meeting new people and chatting with them. They tend to get into a loop and stop caring about how they start a conversation.
However, the good news is that you as a woman have all the power in your hands and you will have a lot of different matches to choose from. It’s lady’s choice, and luckily you will probably have 10 or more matches on a daily basis to choose from.
When you’ve been on a dating app scene for a certain period of time, you can lose interest a bit and get tired of annoying creeps sending you messages, but don’t get discouraged. It takes time for you to get used to how things work and, more importantly, not every guy is going to be a perfect match for you.
Still, you should be active on your profile and keep it up to date. Log in regularly, send messages, and search for people every day, even if you just do it for a short while. So why do this? It’s quite simple actually, just like social networks, dating apps also have algorithms that determine which people get matched.
Simply put, all the actions you do on a dating app reveal your preferences more accurately and improve the matches you get. When you neglect your profile, the app will stop sending you profiles that match your preferences.
Talk About Your Specific Needs and Set Some Boundaries
When you’ve established communication with someone and chatted for a while, the conversation will start turning into something more serious – meeting each other. When this happens, it’s important that you start talking about what you expect, what your needs are, and how you want to play the game.
The wonderful thing about hookups is that both people have the right to express their desires and set the rules. There is no need to hide anything from anyone and you should be quite direct about your wishes. If you don’t have a lot of experience with hookups and you feel pressure, feel free to ask the guy to go out in a public place for drinks where you can slowly pick it up from.
It’s ok to be scared, after all, you are meeting a complete stranger for the first time and you want to make sure that they aren’t falsely representing themselves and that you need to spend a bit of time with them to be comfortable.
Talk about how you would like the whole thing to play out and establish some ground rules so that you’re both on the same page.
Discuss your expectations, what you enjoy, what you’re offering and your turn-ons
Since the ultimate goal of hookups is great sex, people often talk about expectations and imagine how they would like the whole thing to happen. You can do this with the person you are chatting with but sharing and having expectations can be either great or really bad.
Why It Can Be Bad
Setting the bar too high can lead to disappointment and false hope. Having too high expectations can result in a fiasco and turn your hookup into a complete disaster. Telling the guy absolutely everything that you want could put a lot of pressure on him and make him disappoint you entirely.
Bear in mind that most guys want to come off as confident and capable, meaning that no guy will ever tell you “I can’t promise you that” or something like that. Hookups should be exciting and unpredictable and a way to some new sexual experiences you’ve never had.
Why It Can Be Good
Let’s face it, nobody will know how to push your buttons exactly as you want them to the first time. This is something that happens on extremely rare occasions. For example, when you are in a relationship, it takes time to get to know each other sexually and get that level of satisfaction you crave for.
With hookups, it’s exactly the same. However, there are no barriers here and you can instantly share your thoughts, needs, and desires without holding back. When you give a guy some general tips about your likes and dislikes and he is experienced, he will know what to do and chances are you will have a fun time.
With online hookups, a couple of seconds can either make or break your relationship or at least, this is how it seems. However, guys don’t think in the same way as us women do and for most of them, seeing a good picture of you that they like will be enough for them to decide whether or not they want to sleep with you.
This is why you shouldn’t try and be something you’re not. Forget about the things you’ve heard about casual sex encounters and how people approach the whole thing.
Simply be natural and be yourself. This is how you won’t set false expectations and how you will be able to create a situation in which you feel comfortable and you can enjoy great sex.
If you are awkward and that’s simply the kind of personality you have, then own it. With this kind of approach, your focus won’t be on whether or not you’re making mistakes or doing something wrong, but you will be able to focus on the guy and understand whether he is a match for you or not.
Be Safe and Talk About The Protection
Even though this talk can be a buzzkill, it’s simply something you need to discuss. You need to stay safe while hooking up and avoid making a huge mistake that you will regret for the rest of your life. Using protection is important, as it protects you from STDs and getting pregnant by accident.
Believe it or not, there are a lot of people who like hooking up without protection so mentioning this is very important. No matter how much you consider this to be a must, there are those who don’t, so don’t presume that the guy you are hooking up with has the same view about safety as you do.
Insist on Using Protection No Matter What Reasons the Guy is Giving You Not to
A lot of guys like to insist on having sex without a condom. They will tell you things like “don’t worry I’ve done this many times”, or something like “I get myself tested regularly”, and so on. Don’t fall for these lines and you should always make it clear that you want to use protection or that nothing is going to happen.
If the guy bails after you say this, then even better for you, you’ve dodged a bullet. Don’t feel bad because of this, no matter how many guys blow you off. A lot of people aren’t even aware that they have STDs and you shouldn’t rely on them to know what they’re talking about.
Even when you are hooking up and you agreed that you will use protection, make sure that you always have condoms at your disposal, just in case he forgets to buy some.
Make sure that you are prepared, because it can be difficult to control yourself when you are horny and you might go through with it without protection.
Don’t Jump Right Into It
Talking to someone online and hitting it off might seem comfortable and safe, but meeting that person is a whole other thing.
Just think about it, you wouldn’t let someone you don’t know to borrow your car, right? Probably not, and in the same way you shouldn’t jump into bed with someone you see for the first time.
I know what you are thinking, “isn’t hooking up supposed to be about that?” It is, but it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t take a bit of time to learn more about that person and see what they are like and what their background is.
Try to learn if he has a lot of experience with casual sex or if he just started out. Ask him about his sexual history, what he does for a living, how long he’s been doing this, and why he decided to turn to hookups. This is how you can learn some general things about him and ensure that there isn’t anything wrong with him before you hook up.
Your Safety is Important
No matter how evolved we’ve become and how the hookup culture has established its own rules, both for men and women, there are still creepy men who will not necessarily harm you, but cause you worries and make you feel uncomfortable. Even though there is a small chance you will come across a guy like this, you still can’t be completely casual when meeting strangers online.
After all, women are generally physically smaller than men, and if you are alone with a psychopath, it will be difficult to defend yourself. This is why you need to take the time to talk to your match and try to learn as much as possible about him.
Carry Personal Protection Just in Case
Personal protection is generally a good idea for all women, no matter if they’re hooking up or not. You never know when something might happen and you need to be able to defend yourself. On the other hand, no matter how sure you are about a guy you’ve met online, personal protection won’t do you any harm.
What’s great about it is that you can carry it everywhere and use it whenever needed. The three most common and most effective personal protection items for women are:
- 1. Pepper spray
- 2. Stun gun
- 3. Taser bolt
If You’re Hot, You Can Ask for Whatever You Want
Both men and women who fit in the hottest category usually have more power. For women, being really hot in real life also means being a bit scary to guys and a lot of them will be reluctant to start a conversation. However, on dating apps, most guys have the courage to target the hottest girls.
This means you will have all the power and you can set the tone. Why? Simply because that’s how nature works. If a guy doesn’t want to fulfill your wishes, you can easily find another one because you are hot and everyone is aware that this is how things work.
If you are really good looking, you will have the power to make the decisions you want and even make a guy do something he wouldn’t regularly do. So yes, being hot has its perks when hooking up online but at the same time, it has its downsides.
You will constantly be messaged by all kinds of guys with creepy messages and this can be really annoying.
Detach Yourself From the Emotions You’re Having
For people who are used to being in committed relationships and having sex with people with whom they are emotionally involved, it can be very difficult to make the transition into casual waters. Even while chatting, people can get attached to the other person and expect something more than just sex and a good time.
Remember, the guy you are talking to is interested in what you have to say only for the purpose of breaking the ice and seeing how you will hit it off and whether there is a connection that will lead to great sexual energy. He doesn’t really care about your previous relationships or how it was for you back in college, and neither should you.
On the other hand, once you’ve sealed the deal and had sex, you might start feeling something more than just pleasure and feel some sort of happiness. This might leave you vulnerable and get you to start thinking that there’s more to the relationship than just sex.
Don’t let your thoughts drift away in that direction, your body is just filled with hormones and all of this is a chemical response to sex.
Look for A Guy that Drives You Sexually Crazy and Annoys You at the Same Time
For most women, the best sex they’ve ever had was with guys they borderline hated but were amazingly attracted to them. If you find a match that gets you infuriated as soon as he speaks while also getting you wet in a moment, chances are that you are going to have a wild time in bed.
Sex is not just about the act itself, it’s also about raw passion, aggression, and the build-up that comes before it. With these kinds of guys, you will have no problem in having to deal with emotions or getting feelings for him, as he is completely repulsive to you as a person. However, this raw tension between you is a perfect setting for wild and untamed fornication.
Having this kind of energy and friction with someone is usually a great indicator that you will fair well in the sack. At the same time, it’s an amazing way of seeing how it is to spend time with guys you would never date in your life and possibly even learn something new.
Don’t Let Him Treat You Like Garbage
It doesn’t matter that you are only hooking up for sex, you simply cannot allow a guy to treat you like dirt and walk all over you. When hooking up, our sensors for this kind of behavior are often off and we don’t pay attention to the signals in front of us. Even in a casual relationship, sex partners need to have mutual respect.
If the guy is always late, doesn’t respond to your messages on time, or simply doesn’t treat you with respect when you meet, you shouldn’t put up with it. Remember the ground rules you’ve set at the beginning? If he is not sticking to them or making you go out of your way for your sexual relationship to work out, then you should give him a piece of your mind.
If he doesn’t want to listen to you, then it’s probably a good idea to find somebody else. Remember that as a woman, you are in control and that the guy is lucky to be having sex with you with no strings attached.
Experiment In Bed
One of the issues with sex life in long-term relationships is that things settle down after a while, you know what to expect, and couples get locked into their comfort zones. Luckily, the hookup scene is the playground where it all comes down to exciting sex and exploring your needs as well as your moves.
What’s great about getting into bed with a stranger is that you don’t know each other and what to expect. There is room for doing things you never did before and experiment without feeling exposed or judged by anyone. As I said earlier, don’t be afraid to tell the guy what you want and what you like.
On top of that, you can find many different people on dating apps, with all of them having different preferences in bed. This opens up many opportunities for trying out things you couldn’t with your partners, as they weren’t into that kind of sex.
You can try out kinky stuff and rough sex as well, just make sure to establish your safe words so that nobody gets hurt.
You Can Drink, But Not Too Much
Drinks are a great way to loosen up and get that confidence you need when meeting your date for the first time. It will work the same way for the guy but if you have one too many, the sex could turn into a disaster. Drunk sex is ok, but if you are too intoxicated things get sloppy and you can both get tired easily and you won’t get the satisfaction you’re looking for.
At the same time, if a guy gets too drunk, he might get hit with the old “whiskey dick” and your whole night will go to waste. You don’t want to waste your time motivating a guy you don’t care for and trying to get his spirits up. Furthermore, when you’re too drunk, you will be vulnerable and a bad person might try to take advantage of you in some way.
Alcohol can make you more emotional and make you run your mouth about your emotions and your personal life, and this is not the direction you want to go in. At the same time, you might let yourself go and start catching feelings for the guy, even though you’ve seen him just once.
Don’t Be Obsessed with Getting Laid
It’s clear that you are on a dating app to get laid, however, you shouldn’t be obsessed with the final goal all the time and try too hard to achieve it. You will put too much stress on yourself and completely miss the point. The beauty of hookups is that they are casual and they shouldn’t be stressful like regular relationships.
Just sit back, relax, and swipe through profiles until you find the right match. When you start chatting with someone, see where the conversation takes you and get into it without too much thinking. See what kind of chemistry you have and build on it. Everyone on dating apps wants to get laid, but you shouldn’t rush things, as this will only backfire.
It doesn’t matter that you are both aware that it’s all about sex. If you are too easy and the guy notices it, he won’t invest himself in treating you the right way and won’t take care of your needs during sex. Give him too much freedom and he’ll do his thing and move to the next one.
Being casual is all about having fun and not having to worry about anything. This is the beauty of having fuck buddies and casual hookups. Talk about unimportant things, flirt, get your kink on, and explore your sexuality. We’ve talked about all the important things you should consider and from here on, you should focus on having exciting and fun sex.
Try out something new and indulge all your sexual fantasies. Believe it or not, hookups can teach you a lot of useful things that you can use in your relationship, not just in the bed, but also emotionally and by learning more about yourself.
Look at your hookups as a way to decompress, satisfy your sexual desires, and charge yourself with the positive energy you need. Sex helps reduce stress and carries a lot of health benefits so even if you are not in a relationship, you shouldn’t miss out on it.
In the end, remember, you aren’t forced to be casual for the rest of your life. If you meet a guy who you really like spending time with, consider taking it to the next level. Tell him about your feelings carefully and let him know that you want to see each other again.
It’s best to try it out and if he isn’t looking for a relationships, stop spending time with him right away until you get too attached.
Even More on the Web:
- How to Hook Up with a Guy
- How To Make Random Hookups So Much More Satisfying
- How to Hook Up With a Guy and Do It the Right Way
- Men Reveal Exactly How To Hook Up With A Guy You Like