Even though casual sex is not a committed relationship, it is a form of relationship between the partners where they engage in a sexual experience. And like in every aspect of social interactions, casual sex has its rules which we need to abide by.
These rules are a kind of agreement which has to be accepted from both sides for the night to have that casual and sexy mood. Without them, we are more likely to experience some unwanted situations which lead to unhappiness and even social stigma.
The rules are just based on regular things that surround casual sex. Look at them like natural parts of the hookup culture that are there to provide you with a safe and enjoyable casual sexual experience.
For a casual relationship to be a proper experience, it requires two mature people and a lot of rules put in place. Not letting your emotions get the hang of you, expressing your needs and desires, thinking straight (not using alcohol or drugs), being discreet – these are just some of the rules to keep in mind for the casual sex to keep its momentum and enjoyment.
Look at it this way – casual sex will give you something very enjoyable, but you’ll have to sacrifice some things that you normally wouldn’t in a long-term relationship. Some things that are essential in a relationship are taboo here in casual sex land. And that’s not a bad thing. In either case, you have to make some kind of equilibrium, a state of balance. You lose one thing to get another.
1. Know What You’re Getting Into
The biggest and the most important casual sex rule is to know that it’s not a relationship. The person you end up being with for that night is not the person that will prioritize you, and that’s a fact.
There are reasons why you two met on a casual hookup site. The other person doesn’t want to commit to anything except to have a blast for a night. There is no room for romance or making plans together. He or she is not your partner in which you can put your trust and, above all else, expectations.
Your partner can sleep with whoever they find it suitable to sleep with. They don’t have to call you every now and then. As a matter of fact, they don’t have to call you at all after the night is over.
You can easily end up full of resentment. Going into a casual encounter without knowing what your partner sees as casual is a recipe for disaster.
Does this seem too harsh? Well, it’s the truth. If you find yourself not liking this idea, then casual sex is not for you.
But, if the two of you are well-aware of not-committing and what it means, then, with the first rule being accepted, you are getting closer to the satisfaction that casual sex offers you.
Now that the obligations are out for the night, the two of you can start laughing and enjoying your time with one another.
2. Talk About Your Own Needs and Boundaries
How frustrating is it when you don’t talk with your partner about your likes and needs? It really upsets the mood. You are strangers, and you should provide information about your kinks and desires. If not, the night can go completely dry.
It’s your own playground in which you can have fun. Express how you want your partner to touch you and kiss you, how to engage in a sexual experience. There’s no room for you to be shy. A casual sex night is one of the unique ways of learning new experiences in bed, but it’s also a great way to get to know people better.
Setting some ground rules or boundaries which the other person can’t cross, and vice-versa is a nice way of controlling how the night goes.
To avoid any misunderstandings, you need to make sure that both of you are on the same page when it comes to the rules for a casual relationship. Don’t be too afraid – when there is chemistry between you, the night takes over and the dance starts.
3. You Should Both Be Discreet
Taboos and questions of ethics still plague casual sex. Even though a lot has changed since the 2000’s, people still tend to hold a grudge about you having a casual encounter. Because of that, it’s in your best interest to be discreet.
Nobody should know what happened on that night. People talk very negatively about the hookup culture, and probably because they have never tried it, which is OK. Different belief systems and needs are something personal.
It’s also not cool to brag about other people that you are seeing, that’s just plain bad. Your partner is not a side piece, something that you control and talk about in your everyday life. Respect their privacy.
Tell your partner that you feel more comfortable with them when you know that this encounter will be kept silent. With that in mind, you can loosen up and be yourself, but different. Discretion is the rule of casual sex because it gives you that sense of freedom. Your sex becomes more casual, you don’t have to worry about others finding out and making up stories.
Which brings us to another rule of casual sex.
4. Don’t Let Others Judge You
Be who you want to be. It’s your decision and your curiosity that decides whether it’s alright to have casual sex or not. Be around the people who understand you, and share the same experiences.
If your friends judge you about your experiences and tell you that all this isn’t good for you, then your casual sex won’t feel as good. You’ll always think about whether they’re right. Casual sex is good for you and that’s just the way it is.
When both partners know the drill, you’ll be able to satisfy each other how you want to be satisfied. And this is the whole point of casual sex – give the most to your partner so your experience can be memorable and something you’ll want to do again!
5. Use and Talk About Protection
This is a no-brainer. You have to discuss protection with your partner for the night. Never let unwanted pregnancy or STDs be the only story you could tell from the casual experience.
There are a lot of things that can go wrong in a casual encounter. The other partner might have a disease which they pass on to you. There’s nothing that should discourage you from using protection.
Talk about it. Speak about your worries. If your partner disagrees, then they are either trying to bend the rules for their own needs, or they are not thinking straight. Then it’s the time to step back.
A night of epic proportions can be crushed by failing to do something as obvious as using protection. After all, you are strangers, and even though you are engaging on a somewhat personal level, you should never forget that fact.
6. Respect Your Partner
Even though you might never see them again, you shouldn’t treat them like they are a dirty rag or a sex doll. Yes, there are no strings attached between the two of you, but that doesn’t mean that you should be impolite and rude to each other. And even when there’s no commitment, you should enjoy every part of the night.
Nobody likes jerks but they are everywhere!
Being arrogant, sexist, narcissistic, and manipulative is not how you should treat your partner. They are a human being just like you. The two of you have met for the same reasons. That is why you should both respect and care for one another, but at the same time stay within the bounds of a casual sex encounter. Don’t let your emotions get control over you.
Look at it this way – you’ll never see this person again, you have only that one night in front of you. Why do you have to be rude then? The situation can get out of control pretty quickly with disrespectful behavior. Instead, try to give and get much satisfaction you think you deserve, that is, treat your partner how you want to be treated.
Then you’ll find yourself in a great environment in which both parties have engaged with joy and consent.
You should be passionate and genuinely respectful. That’s not engaging in something that’s outside the bounds casual sex. You can have a very pleasant morning with a bit of casual conversation after a casual sex night.
Have fun and stay respectful.
7. Both Parties Must Give Enthusiastic Consent
Have you ever had unwanted sex? The kind that you didn’t really want to engage in, but you did for the sake of the other person’s horniness? And was it bad or not how you imagined it?
Enthusiastic consent is a key part of a casual encounter staying on the right track. How could you have that “great night to remember” if one of you is not really feeling the sex?
Let loose your desires and see how your partner reacts to them. It’s not hard to tell whether your partner is actively horny and just waiting, bursting inside to get inside of you or have you get inside of them. This is a good thing to notice. That means your partner wants you.
An enthusiastic “yes” or a seductive moan is a clear sign of consent for every act surrounding the sex. Asking too many questions like “Is this OK?” can be nerve-wracking, we know. It disturbs the mood. A good thing to consider is to say what you’re about to do to your partner, and talk about it while you’re doing it. This can have the same impact as dirty talking – horniness with enthusiastic consent!
You’ll need to have an eye out for your partner’s verbal and physical cues. It’s somewhat a game of who can see through other better, and act alongside with it. Be honest. Nothing can disrupt you if you are being honest. If your partner is a jerk and can’t see what you desire and need, well, you just had bad luck.
8. Don’t Get Wasted
Yes, it’s a rule. What will happen if you get too drunk and stop thinking properly? You might forget protection or get too emotional. Maybe you’ll end up being aggressive and mean to your partner.
There is no room for alcohol or drugs on casual sex night. Of course, you can have a couple of drinks to start the connection and set the vibe, but don’t overdo it. Zhana Vrangalova says that if alcohol is your only way to have a casual sexual encounter, then casual sex is not your field. Your insecurities then swim up to the surface and you’ll only hurt yourself.
If you get drunk, you’ll only get a feeling of anxiety and end up in a bad mood. When you’ve had one drink too many, your feelings can overwhelm you, resulting in some unwanted situations and awkward situations and it can ruin all your previous efforts.
The night was going so well until the moment you had that last glass of wine and now you have no recollection of what happened and have to do the walk of shame across town.
Don’t get wasted, and if you have to drink male sure you drink responsibly.
9. “Check Yo’Self Before You Wreck Yourself”
Like Ice Cube says: “You better check yo’self before you wreck yourself!”
Keep these rules in mind before engaging in casual sex. It’ll be a lifesaver during unwanted and bad experiences. And also, it will help you to better understand other people, but yourself as well.
Happy hooking up!