Aren’t casual hookups liberating? No soul-searching, no commitment, no responsibility. Only pure, unadulterated nirvana. Except that’s only partially true. Sure, breaking loose is hot. And damn, do we love acting all casual about it. But when it comes to sex, there’s one good reason why spontaneity shouldn’t equate to recklessness – if there are no rules whatsoever, someone can end up getting hurt.
That said, don’t turn down casual sex just because.
It’s too fun, too playful, and too good for you to start avoiding it altogether.
There are other ways to protect yourself from the risk of choosing the wrong sexual partners. Today, we’ll scratch the surface of everything you can do to stay safe during casual hookups and make a checklist for you to follow whenever you find yourself physically attracted to a person you don’t really care for romantically. If you have a sweet tooth for casual encounters, let this guide be your ultimate recipe.
Here’s how to have this sexy cake and eat it too.
Never Do Sex For the Wrong Reasons
Feeling hungry for new sexual experiences? Not only are casual hookups a calorie-free way to feed that beast but they’re also good for your overall health and happiness. As long as you’re doing it out of curiosity or because you’re horny for that person, there’s nothing wrong in being casual about sex.
But it is wrong to do it for the wrong reasons.
This includes being pressured into it, either by your partner or somebody else. People sometimes put pressure on themselves too, usually because they’re not feeling good about who they are. Make sure you’re not saying yes to purely physical sex to heal an emotional wound. It’ll just rub more salt into it.
Redefine the Term (Get Recreational)
Let’s get one thing straight about casual sex:
The term casual doesn’t mean that it’s relaxed and concern-free every time. In fact, it takes years of monogamous practice to get to the point where everything is as smooth as butter. Strangers rarely know which buttons to push on other strangers, unless they are legit masters of sex. Or – soul mates.
In which case, you should marry them right after.
But since this kind of out-of-the-earth experience is incredibly rare, it’s always better not to expect too much from a one-night stand. Instead of thinking about it as something casual, consider it as something recreational. It’ll still mean fun and nonchalant, but it will help you curb your enthusiasm.
Set Some Ground Rules for Yourself
Honing your expectations about casual hookups is important because having hot-headed sex without responsibilities can lead to hasty and potentially dangerous decisions. Though this is not something you’d want to overthink, rushing into it with just about anyone you like may actually spoil all the fun.
So have a heart-to-heart with yourself and set some rules.
They’ll not be set in stone, of course, but they’ll keep you from making mistakes you might regret. For example, don’t get wasted and have sex if you can’t hold your liquor. And if you don’t feel good about yourself after, take a few months off to work through those issues first before you get all kinky again.
Get Upfront About What You Want
It takes two to tango in bed (at least), which can turn out slightly problematic if you’re into casual sex. Some monogamous partners need years to figure out what makes their bodies tick, and we’ve already talked about that. Now let’s just say that you can’t expect from a random lover to be psychic.
Like it or not, you’ll need to tell them what you want.
There’s no point in having casual sex if you don’t get any pleasure from it, right? If you want to have a nice time, you’ll have to learn how to communicate your needs. No need to be shy about it – the beauty of casual hookups is that you can embarrass yourself and then leave like there’s no tomorrow.
News flash: there probably won’t be.
Be Frank About What You Don’t Want
For obvious reasons, this one’s even more important:
Since your casual partner cannot possibly know what makes you all sweaty and turned on, you cannot really blame them for not knowing the difference between right and wrong. The lines that separate kinky from perverted are often blurred and depend on a person, mood, or even a situation.
Sometimes, casual sex is unwanted even when it’s consensual. It may not hurt you physically, but it can get messy for your mental health. Avoid this at any cost by refusing hookups when you don’t feel like it. And when you do, set clear limits beforehand. You can always let go and break the rules later.
Casual Sex Isn’t an Excuse to Be Mean
Getting down and dirty with no strings attached doesn’t give you an excuse to treat the other person like dirt. Being nice and caring is not only a matter of decency; it’s also a way to build a casual relationship based on mutual respect. And that, dear serial lovers, is one carefree affair to remember.
After all, sex without love should still be passionate.
Take this special ingredient out of the mixture, and you’re left with a cold plate of raw meat. Even if you don’t mind it getting a little rough, sex sans passion is either clumsy or mechanical. Besides, being mean and disrespectful to your casual partners puts you at risk of being treated that same way.
Be Careful When Choosing Partners
If passion is mutual to both monogamous relationships and casual sex, then what is it about random sexual encounters that make some people wet? Most of us simply don’t want a long-term partner, but there’s also an element of mystery. And, that uncertainty is exactly why casual sex can turn ugly.
But how can you know who’s good for you then?
Well, statistical evidence suggests that guys who prefer to keep it casual are often sexist, arrogant, narcissistic, manipulative, and even aggressive. There’s no research on this for other genders, though. Whether you like boys or girls, look for these signs and be very careful with whom you’re hooking up.
How to Pick Your Hookups Online
If you’re picking up lovers using one of the dating apps (preferably, Lucky), then you need to know what careful means in this specific context. Whether you’re hooking up with guys or trying to make it with girls, the best way to stay safe online is by following both privacy guidelines and common sense.
Which means, always meet on neutral ground.
It’s probably not the best idea to invite the people you meet using dating apps over to your place, at least not right away. Also, try not to share too many personal information about yourself and make sure to tell a friend where you’re going before getting together with someone you have met online.
Get to Know Your Hookup Partner
Okay, yes, it takes some of the excitement from the experience, but it’s still better to be safe than sorry. Social media and dating apps are not only convenient for meeting new interesting people. They also come in handy when you need to do quick research on the person you are planning to seduce.
If we’re being honest, everyone’s doing this.
And safety-wise, it’s a smart thing to do! You don’t need to know whether this particular person likes Game of Thrones, which berries they prefer with their morning yogurt, and how many partners they have had. But you need to know if they enjoy abusing, stocking, or slut-shaming other people for fun.
Always Carry Your Own Protection
It may be a given, but let’s reiterate just in case:
Whether you already know a person you’re going to spend the night with or you’ve met them only yesterday (perhaps you still haven’t met them at all), however you identify yourself sexually, no matter what tickles you pink, and regardless of how cool-headed, careful, and responsible you are, always carry your own protection. And actually use it.
We don’t have to remind you about what can happen if you practice unprotected sex. Especially in a casual relationship, the aftermath can be a true nuisance. And that’s at best. Worst case scenario, you might end up with something bad that you won’t be able to get rid of for the rest of your life.
And by something bad, we don’t mean a memory.
Talk To Your Partner(s) About STDs
Sexually transmitted diseases are not the best topic for pillow talk, so try to get that over with as soon and as fast as you possibly can. But for the sake of your (and your partner’s) health, don’t skip it altogether. They say that communication is the best lubrication, and here at Lucky, we firmly agree.
How does one start a conversation about STDs?
It’s never easy, we’ll admit that. Talking about your own experiences with infections helps open up a dialogue, so start sharing if you want to get something in return. Avoid the obnoxious are you clean? whenever you can, as it may be counter-effective. Be direct, but try not to be harsh and judgemental.
Learn More About STDs and STIs
There are many, many different types of STDs.
Some of them are harmless, others are less so. Some can be cured, others stick with you for a long time. Herpes, syphilis, chlamydia, hep B, crabs, and HIV you’ve probably heard about, as they are the most common among sexually active individuals. Women are more susceptible to all STDs than men.
Why do you need to know all this nasty stuff?
Because, and sorry to break your bubble, condoms are not a surefire way to protect yourself against sexually transmitted diseases and infections. Another inconvenience is that a lot of them come with no visible symptoms, meaning that you won’t be able to know they’re there unless you’re being told.
And even more alarmingly,
Some STDs Need Time to Develop
The most important reason why you shouldn’t have casual sex without getting informed about STDs first is that a lot of these diseases and infections have lag times. Not only will you not be able to notice any symptoms if you catch one of them, but STD tests will not register them right away either.
Also, your doctor won’t look for all of them.
You’ll need two pieces of information in order to make sure you’re clean after a Saturday-night slip-up: what STD you may have caught (ask your partner) and how soon the screening will be able to show accurate results. To put it in meme terms, one does not simply have sex without STD screening.
Which brings us to our last casual sex tip:
Set Up an STD Screening Schedule
Chances are, you’re going to love your casual sex lifestyle too much to stop doing it anytime soon. It’s way too exciting. But the more partners you experiment with, the bigger the risk. STDs are essentially a numbers game. It doesn’t matter if you have a few people in a rotation or multiple random hookups.
And slip-ups are a part of this lifestyle.
As Tony Soprano used to say, whaddya gonna do? Well, the only thing you can – set up a reminder for STD screening and test for sexually transmitted diseases regularly. Doing so every three or six months is considered a good practice. And if you get positive results, don’t be too hard on yourself.
Remember, STDs are dangerous only if untreated.
Then again, you might find out that casual sexual encounters are not for you after all. And that’s fine. You are who you are, no questions asked. Pleasure, comfort, and safety go hand-in-hand whatever you do, so pursue them in all your relationships. We at Lucky love giving you tips for how to unlock your true sexual nature, and we’ll continue doing so whether you’re casual, hardcore, or undecided.