Sex is awesome. Sex is fun and relaxing. But sex demands a lot of time and effort put into finding the right partner, creating a good and stable relationship – so, some of us engage in casual sex from time to time. And that’s perfectly fine.
Sex is meant to be enjoyed, and as long as both parties agree, there is no need for a bigger string to be attached. But let’s face it, sex is private, and sex requires intimate contact in a way that not everyone is exactly comfortable with.
Isn’t this paradoxical a bit, sex is supposed to be intimate and yet sometimes it just needs to be sex – animalistic urges in bed. What happens if you feel awkward because of your need to have casual sex, and you don’t know how to approach that topic or find a partner for some fun times?
Getting over the Awkward
Some of us were raised in environments where sex was rarely discussed or only talked about as a natural consequence of love and a relationship between two partners. Casual sex was reserved for people of low morals. Naturally, when we grew up, we realized how wrong this definition was, and that we needed to broaden our horizons of what sex is – but some thoughts stuck to our brain.
We often feel ashamed of sex in some way, the naughty bits touching, and this translates into having awkward encounters with our partners and never actually enjoying sex to its full potential.
This leads us to repeat some of our previous statements:
1. Sex is Normal
Older generations can pretend to faint at the mention of this sentence, but sex is fun and isn’t reserved only for married couples. Naturally, even older people used to have lots of sex, but it was a much more stigmatized topic, so they are most likely lying – or are sexually not developed enough to understand all the aspects of sex.
Furthermore, feeling awkward about sex is normal as well, as you fear that you won’t be able to pleasure a partner, and just end up overthinking things until the spark is gone. This can quickly translate into your self-confidence dropping, and that is half the work right there.
Casual sex is all about knowing who you are, what you want, and finding someone who can share the experience with you. The sooner you realize that your urges are completely normal, the greater the chance of you having fun, and finally relaxing with the idea of having a casual lay.
Today’s world is based on the fact that everything should be convenient and easy. The same should apply for sex, so if you feel that your sex life could use some innovation, a casual partner (or two), don’t be afraid of the fact. It is a perfectly normal need.
Everyone has an idea of what sex is, it’s just a matter of exploring all the options. The best way of doing this is using an online dating app and being very open about what you need. Yes, there is someone interested in what you want, someone you won’t feel awkward with, someone who will give you that confidence boost without requiring all the stuff that comes from a relationship.
2. Sex Comes in Many Forms
Sex is not just missionary style made for having babies. For all anyone else cares, you should break that bed if you have the chance and make someone look through the debris for their underwear. Sex can be this gentle, loving experience between longtime lovers, or it can be this animalistic urge and need between two people simply looking to have an unforgettable night.
Casual sex is one of those forms, and it is the norm today. Many couples are in an open relationship based on sex, and while they see other people and are looking for the real deal, they are having fun sex on the side.
Yes, these kinds of relationships can blossom into something more, or they can end on the same note as they started – a mutual agreement of good chemistry. You shouldn’t deny yourself that because of some ideas you might have.
If you feel awkward because you have some self-esteem issues, in order to enjoy good sex, you need to realize that you are worthy of good sex and that you can become better only by practice. Hookups are a great way of testing what you can offer and how to feel better about yourself.
Yes, a hookup can go terribly wrong for so many reasons, but they usually do not. Why? Because we don’t live in a romantic comedy, if someone farts, there is no audience to laugh, as the person across you is also human – they are far from perfect.
Relax, sex can be what you make of it.
3. Simili Similis Gaudet
Like enjoys like, or even simpler, the same kind of people like the same stuff, so if you feel awkward about your need for casual sex – be sure that there are people who are also afraid of it and want to experiment as much as you do. You only need to find them first and see that you could have awesome sex or whatever you make of it.
Finding a person with similar interests is also very important for having great chemistry, someone you can relax with and try out all the stuff you want. Furthermore, finding someone who is also interested in casual sex (and you two simply not being interested in an emotional relationship) is a great way to start.
This means you have to talk about it and talking about it can make any topic comfortable, as long as it is out in the open. You feel better about the idea itself, and you feel more confident that you are doing the right thing.
Find someone who shares the same views as yourself.
4. Be Honest with Yourself
Like with anything else in your life, you cannot expect good results if you’re lying to yourself. What’s the purpose of a diet if you are eating a pizza but not writing it down in your calorie counting app? That makes no sense.
The same goes for sex. You will find a lot of people who simply don’t hear the words I just want sex. They will create this whole story how they can change you and turn you into this wonderful partner in the long run. But that is a different topic.
To have good casual sex, you need to admit to yourself that it is what you are looking for. Don’t lie to yourself (or others) by thinking that a relationship is the right choice when you only want something for now.
You are not required to have a relationship if you don’t want to, but being open and vocal about it will set the stage for what is about to happen. The more you beat around the bush and make things confusing for yourself, the harder it will be.
Confidence comes from knowing yourself, knowing what you want and what you do not. A topic very similar to admitting to yourself that you are gay, or that you are into threesomes.
How can you truly enjoy something if you are constantly looking for it in the wrong place?
Admit what you want to yourself.
5. Be Honest with Your Partner
After you’ve admitted to yourself what you want, you need to find someone else willing to go on a ride with you. This cannot be achieved with lies.
It can, but in the end, it leaves ugly and hurtful consequences, both for you and the person number 2.
Admitting that you are only looking for a casual lay is the first step. Be very clear about it. Don’t allow your partner to dream about more and changing you. Failing to properly communicate will hurt them more than you know, and you deserve to know that you, and those around you, are having fun.
If someone isn’t having fun, stop. Talk about it. Break it off or readjust your approach.
The need to feel there’s more than there actually is, is perfectly normal. But if you are not interested in anything more, you just need to be open about it.
Some will ignore being honest about this fact, as this prevents them from getting to their goal – which is sex. But sex based on a lie is ultimately bad for you as well.
This requires you to be a gentleman, and not be a dick. Your one-night stand wants respect, wants to feel safe and to have fun as much as you do. If you want others to respect you, you also need to respect others and follow the established boundaries, but also ask for them to be enforced.
Share with others what you want and how you want things done.
6. Know When and How to End
The uncomfortable part about having a casual lay is knowing how to end it. Even the best sex doesn’t last forever, either you find someone else, they do, or the chemistry simply fizzles out; you need to know when (and how) to end something.
Feeling things aren’t casual anymore? End it. Being kind to the other side is imperative, as much as being honest with yourself.
Hookups are temporary, and at some point, they will end; they are actually defined by the fact that they will end. Knowing to recognize the signs of the end is important, and to preserve as much of your dignity as you can.
Then you go back to the starting point.
This also goes for when you are the one being dumped. Don’t take this so seriously. You knew what you were getting into.
Did you read what we said? Be honest with yourself. That was a fling. It ended. Crying about it and making it seem like a whole relationship ended is simply not the truth.
Feeling emotional is sometimes totally natural, especially if you had a really good time with someone and you want more. Make things clear in your head or ask for confirmation.
Hey, can we have more than this, or are we just casual – is an awkward question, but sometimes a necessary one.
In the End
Knowing yourself is the best recipe for having a successful, awkward-less casual sex whenever you want it.
Some people are simply not built for this, and that is OK.
Some could not imagine life without casual sex all the time, and that is OK too.
Being open about it is the key, and the most important ingredient to having lots of fun.