Even though casual sex is a type of arranged meeting which can happen in one day, it doesn’t have to be reckless. And it shouldn’t be.
Hooking up for the right reasons, knowing what you want from the experience, feeling safe and pleasant with your partner, are just some of the things you should keep on your mind, to maximize your chances of benefiting from that experience, and not put yourself in the situation where you’ll regret it.
Planning a casual encounter is not something that should be avoided or forgotten. It might seem boring at first, but this planning will ensure that what you’re about to do has a chance to come close to the ideal casual sex.
As everyone in their life had at least one casual sexual experience, most of us have probably had at least one bad experience as well. Research also states, that when you’re having casual sex for the wrong reasons, that encounter can cause serious damage to your well-being.
But that shouldn’t discourage you from closing your doors to hookups. Like everything in life, if you do it for the wrong reasons, or it’s bad in itself, it leaves a mark.
This planning of good and safe casual sex doesn’t have to be written, or remembered precisely. It’s not really a set of rules that you obey at all cost. Well, some of them are if you want to be completely safe from diseases or pregnancy – which you should.
It can be fun and satisfying, depending on how well you connect with your partner for the night. Which brings us to the first tip of your good and safe casual sex.
1. Get to Know Your Partner in Crime Well Enough
Before releasing that horny energy that has been provoking you for the past several hours, get to know your partner well enough, to the point where you won’t have second thoughts or that uneasy feeling in your stomach.
You can never know who has been lurking over your profile, and who has an eye on you. Give just enough information about yourself to spark curiosity. Don’t include personal details, your last name, and where you live. And when somebody contacts you, keep that mysterious tone until you see what he has to offer you.
Ask normal questions, like “How’s your day?”, or “What kind of things do you like and what are you looking for?” The conversation will continue naturally, to the point where you can see if that person has a potential to give you what you want and please you in any way possible.
Maybe it seems a little overwhelming to have your inner alarm on during a date, but if you don’t inspect your possible sexual partner, he can turn out be some kind of crazy invader from another planet. Well, the revelation may not be that extreme, but you get the point.
The red flag is your no-go zone. If he starts asking many personal questions right from the start and pushes you into meeting him at a very specific location, then it’s time to move away. Dating sites provide us a quick and dynamic connection to others and some people will try and abuse that attribute. Watch your step and choose wisely.
2. Express Your Needs with an Enthusiastic “Yes” and a Stable “No”
Getting the most out of casual sex has a huge impact on your motivation, feelings of happiness, and your body – in one word, on your well-being. But you won’t enjoy it by just having sex. Sex is a game for two, or more if you’re adventurous enough.
Telling your partner about your desires and how you like it is a crucial part of good sex. They can’t read your thoughts. It’s your job to give them hints, verbally or non-verbally.
Whispering, guiding their hand, kissing them how you want to be kissed – these are some examples of how to get the momentum going. And everything is better when the two of you work together, isn’t it? Since both of you gave enthusiastic consent, the night should be guided by both partners.
But, if you two have different likings and needs, a compromise should be made. If not, you can both leave feeling bad and even regretting that you ever had such a hookup.
The same rule applies to things you find cringy. Sometimes the lines of consent are blurred and it can easily lead to unhappy decisions. Don’t allow yourself to be pressured into something that you feel uncomfortable with. Stand your ground and don’t let anyone disrupt that.
3. Be Truthful About Your Expectations
Many times people get hurt by casual sex because they just didn’t know it was casual. The line between sex and an emotion is a hard one and when someone doesn’t separate one from the other, it can be very unpleasant.
Don’t leave things to chance. Be truthful about your intentions, what you want from that experience and will it end there on the spot or you can have something bigger on your mind. Whatever it is that strikes you, don’t keep it to yourself.
Casual sex night is often an ambiguous event in which both partners project their intentions. Having these intentions clear on both sides is the proper way to have a normal evening without any black holes.
Share your concerns with your partner, and give them an opportunity to do the same. It’s very easy for you to be truthful to each other, besides, maybe that is the last time you’ll ever meet. So why make it undesirable?
4. Do it For the Right Reasons
You should have sex. It helps you be mentally healthy and fresh, besides, it’s a pleasant thing to do. But knowing the reasons why you want to do it with a stranger is an important thing to have in mind to get the most out of the situation. Being attracted to a person, feeling horny, wanting to learn new things in sex are some of the good reasons why you should do it.
Some bad reasons for having sex is the need to feel better about yourself or by somebody pressuring you to do so. We already said how bad experiences with sex can lead to some problems.
Because of the immense effect it can have on our body and mind, keeping sex desirable and pleasant is important when engaging in a casual encounter. Ask yourself: “Do I really want to do this and why should I? Does it make me happy?”, before accepting an arrangement. Your partner won’t feel very nice if they discover that you are not sure whether this encounter is good for you.
Do it for the right reasons and have a great time!
5. Be Safe
Always be secured in casual sex. Have condoms by your side, because they are the only thing that will keep you truly safe. It doesn’t affect the satisfaction too much, they are easy to use, and they’ll help you a ton.
If your partner, for whatever reason, doesn’t like the fact that the condom plays a part in the game, like it’s ruining the fun, that’s a red flag. You both know why are you here, and giving away the protection for someone’s kink is certainly a bad thing to do.
Both of you are mature people. Safety is your number one priority in this kind of situation and not all the danger comes from PTSDs. After all, the person you are spending the night with is a stranger. You should tell your best friend where are you going, because you never know what might happen.
It may seem like this type of precaution would ruin the fun, but feeling that you are protected from the danger can loosen you up, and you can burst into good sensual sex without any hesitation.
6. Don’t let Drugs or Alcohol get Hold of the Night
Getting super drunk or drugged out is the worst thing to do on casual sex night. Everything that you’ve prepared for and expected goes down the drain. Your ability to evaluate the motives, stand your ground, and remember the night, everything gets smashed from alcohol or drugs.
You’ll definitely drink some wine, a cocktail or a couple of beers to both get in the mood, but letting that take control of the night is not the smartest choice. If alcohol or drugs are the only things that can trigger the sex button, then you are doing it for the wrong reasons and will probably get yourself hurt.
The whole point of engaging in a casual encounter is to have a great time and not ruin it by over drinking.
Drink smart, play rough.
7. Don’t be Ashamed of What You Do
Ah, that never-ending buzzing from a society where casual sex is looked upon as something heartbreaking and totally bad for us. The stigma around it is truly annoying.
Don’t let people judge you. They tend to do that a lot, sadly… If you have proper reasons for engaging in a casual sexual encounter and know why it’s good for you, then never bow your head over some arguments that are clearly made by people who never actually enjoyed sex or have had very bad experiences.
Nevertheless, mistakes do happen. Even if you do everything in your power to have a perfect night, hookups don’t always turn out well. Maybe the sex wasn’t good, your partner was a jerk or you drank too much. It’s OK! You are a human being, nobody is perfect.
Don’t let that discourage you from believing that you are a bad person and that one night probably won’t have long-term consequences on you.
What you can do is analyze what went wrong. Is it your bad judgment, lack of preparation or simply a thing your partner did. There are many things that can go wrong and nobody is capable of stopping every single one. Sometimes a bad situation can turn out to be very funny and memorable, something worth laughing about.
Keep your head up and swag it out!
8. Choose the Location
It may be a trivial thing to talk about, but choosing the location sometimes has a huge impact on your feeling of safety and being comfortable. It doesn’t have to be your place but the important thing is to talk with your partner about the location and agreeing where you should go.
If the idea of going straight to his place and getting on with it doesn’t sound too good, you can suggest going out for a couple of drinks first to get a feel for each other. The times when I went out with someone first, instead of going straight to business, turned out to be very exciting. People tend to hide their kinks under a veil of impersonations and funny stories.
It can be a satisfying mini-game for a horny pair to burst this bubble.
Ask your partner if his room has a sensual mood, good lighting, and a quality stereo. The creativity which a casual sex night awakens within you is something to cherish and think about in your day-to-day life.
Let’s Conclude Before We Delude Ourselves
A casual sex night planned with all these tips in mind will contribute to your well-being and lead to a great night with your partner. Otherwise, it can hurt you and even leave long-term marks if you don’t take the right precautions:
- Chat with your partner to see his desires and needs, what he likes in everyday life, and in bed.
- Guide them so that they get a better feeling for your pleasures and desires, and vice versa.
- Don’t lie. Express what you want to get out of the encounter and don’t let your emotions get involved.
- Tell yourself why you are doing this, whether it’s a horny activity or you’re attracted to a partner. Don’t do it because someone is pressuring you into it.
- Use condoms. Properly. Safety should be your number one priority if you want the night to be memorable in a good way.
- Don’t get wasted. It will ruin the experience totally, trust me.
- Don’t let stigma get to you. You get to choose your own pleasures, and nobody has the power to tell you differently.
- Choose a good location for an unforgettable sexual encounter.