In case you didn’t know, you can have sex without being emotionally attached to your partner in crime, absolutely. Feelings, emotions or love and romance don’t necessarily have to be related to having sex, nor does having sex imply that you have to feel something special for a person you’re sleeping with.
Put simply, if you see a person you feel attracted to, you can have sex with that person with no strings attached. But here’s the catch: having casual sex doesn’t mean you should feel absolutely nothing for a certain person. No, casual sex is all about the sex, no questions about it but, since people are emotional beings, they will eventually develop some feelings for their casual partners.
What can you do about your feelings?
The trick is to protect your feelings and not get hurt. The thing with hookups is that things don’t always turn out the way you wanted them to and that’s because you can’t plan for every possible scenario. The most common case is that one person doesn’t have feelings for the other, so you always have to be prepared for whatever comes your way and take care of yourself.
Casual sex isn’t about love, that’s true, but that doesn’t mean you should be mean to your partner and vice versa. Just like one person protects their feelings, so does the other. Having casual sex should be something very simple – two people who like each other physically getting together for their mutual pleasure – and it is until your feelings get in the way.
This happens simply because one person almost always thinks that sex needs to be about feelings, about emotions, even love. They initially engage in casual encounters with the notion that it’s going to be a one night stand but then they start feeling something for their partner. That’s a mistake you should avoid at all costs.
Keep It Casual
Before you can go with the casual sex flow without getting attached to a person who doesn’t have any feelings for you, you need to understand what casual sex is in its essence. It all comes down to the fact that people have physical desires and these desires need satisfying. Since people aren’t always into emotional relationships, they have casual sex without getting emotionally attached.
Therefore, casual sex is all about satisfying your carnal needs with no strings attached. To avoid getting your feelings hurt, you need to be open and honest about what you really want. If you can’t keep it casual, maybe casual sex isn’t for you.
Most people who are into casual sex do it because they like the fact that they don’t need to get emotionally attached to have sex. If you have casual sex with someone like that and get attached, you’ll end up being hurt because of your expectations. If you expect love from a casual date, you’re greatly mistaken. If you simply can’t have sex without being in love then casual sex isn’t for you.
On the other hand, if you can have sex without getting emotionally attached, then all you need to do is set up some boundaries, be open about what you like or don’t. If you aren’t sure whether a person wants you or not, just say what’s on your mind, don’t wait for them to make the first move.
Now, casual means unconcerned and relaxed.
That’s exactly what your casual sex hookup should be, something like a valve from the everyday pressure. To keep it casual, you need to be honest with yourself, open about what you expect, want, and need. That’s how you avoid prioritizing someone else rather than yourself and your needs. Casual sex is all about you in the first place. It’s about what you want rather than about anyone else.
If you don’t know where to find a quality partner for casual sex, try Lucky, the best dating app for casual sex where you can meat numerous like-minded people, all open for all sorts of adventures.
If Someone Can’t Be Honest With You Do Not Engage
Most complications come out from the situation where one person isn’t being honest. Honesty is the key to keeping things casual and functioning properly. If you don’t feel comfortable with having casual sex anymore, it’s absolutely fine to say so. If you feel like falling in love with your casual partner and you’re certain that they don’t feel the same, be honest about it.
On the other hand, if you feel like your casual partner avoids being honest, that’s a clear sign that something is wrong. Being direct and transparent about your feelings and your stance about casual sex keeps it simple. Mind games lead to nowhere. When people aren’t honest with each other, that’s how they get hurt. That’s also how confusion starts.
Saying what you want and what you really think helps to get that confusion out of the way. When there’s no confusion, no one gets hurt. As simple as that. Here is one of the most common mistakes all people make – they think too much about their partners and not enough about themselves.
Not only do they think about what’s going on in the other person’s head but they draw conclusions which are completely wrong in almost all cases. Therefore, to keep it casual, you need to keep it honest. If there’s no honesty, things won’t work.
Sex Isn’t About Love
Sex is nothing more than a sheer act of passion, a quite simple hormonal act. Erotic contact is all about satisfying your physical needs. It’s about pleasure rather than emotion and it’s the people that add these emotional dimensions.
When you love someone, you make love to them and when you don’t, you’re just having sex.
So, as you can see, there’s nothing profound about having sex and, therefore, sex isn’t about love at all. While falling in love and loving someone are great things, finding a partner for casual sex is the complete opposite. People will have casual sex with anyone they find attractive.
That doesn’t have anything to do with those people being profound or mysterious, which are usually the qualities that all people seek when they want to fall in love. Casual sex isn’t about connecting with another person, it’s about intensely pleasurable physical experiences with total strangers, about desire and lust. Looking for love on a casual date is like asking a beggar to give you some money.
Here is where we come to the first thing that separates casual sex from love. When you love someone, you worry about hurting their feelings when you say certain things, mostly related to sex. Well, those things don’t happen with your casual partners because having casual sex is all about satisfying your every sexual need.
If you were afraid to tell your relationship partners what you want in bed before, you don’t have to be afraid anymore with your casual partner because it’s only sex. You don’t have to be communicative, you don’t have to explain yourself and your every move – eliminate that from the equation and lean on passion, lust, and desire rather than emotion.
Casual sex is all about satisfying your sexual desire, it has nothing to do with love.
How to Avoid Getting Attached
While different things work on different people as not everyone is the same, there are some useful things that can help you keep it casual without getting attached. It’s important to protect your feelings but it’s also important not to be a jerk to your partner. On the other hand, you also want to make sure that you enjoy your casual sex endeavors.
Here are a couple of useful tips on how to keep it casual and protect your feelings at the same time.
1) Having Sex Doesn’t Mean You’re in a Relationship
If a relationship and sex make a perfect whole in your head, you are greatly mistaken. Having casual sex doesn’t mean that you are automatically in a relationship. One way of sorting this out is to keep having casual sex and just see where it leads you. The only thing that you need to keep in your mind is not to fall for your casual partner just because you had sex, simply because they might not feel the same way.
If that’s the case, you’ll end up getting hurt. Think about it this way: you can have casual sex with anyone but you only fall in love with the right person. So, casual sex is just something that you do, there’s no higher purpose except sheer satisfaction. On the other hand, love is a completely different thing.
While many casual sex adventures end as abruptly as they began, they can also lead to many beautiful things, even relationships.
The important thing is not to force anything and again, be honest with your partner. If you both feel comfortable with turning your casual sex into a relationship, then so be it but, it has to happen on its own, it can’t be forced.
2) Be Clear About Whether You Like Casual Sex or Not
Sex is a very intimate act and you have to be trustworthy enough to get naked in front of someone you don’t know. Therefore, casual sex isn’t for everyone. Before you engage, you need to be clear with yourself if you’re up to this challenge. Casual sex is also about exploring your sexuality and realizing your sexual fantasies.
For most people, being in a relationship is all about a routine. They tend to feel ashamed of their sexual fantasies and choose not to share them with their partners because they are afraid of losing them.
This isn’t the case with your casual partners. You can say anything you want to them, as long as you are mindful of their feelings. So, casual sex can help you to determine what you really like and want in sex instead of just going with the usual ”let’s get this over with” routine.
While you can be mindful and respectful towards your casual partner, you don’t necessarily need to have strict emotions for them like in a relationship. Casual sex isn’t for you if you fall in love easily, remember that.
3) Self-Awareness Helps Greatly
Being self-aware means being in control of your feelings. It’s a way to always be clear about what you want from your casual sex. Being self-aware also means knowing when you start feeling something for your casual partner. If this happens, you have two choices:
- go ahead and open up about your feelings and risk losing your casual partner
- quit seeing that particular partner and move on
In the first scenario, your casual partner might decide to back up or continue and see what happens next. If your partner feels comfortable with you transparently stating how you feel, maybe something is happening between the two of you. You should either clear it up or just move on if you don’t feel the same.
4) Rules Make Things Easier
Since casual sex isn’t the same thing as a relationship, setting some ground rules might help you to make the best of it. So, some guidelines will make sure that you and your partner don’t get confused about what you’re supposed to do.
If you don’t want to feel like you’re in a relationship, simply don’t do anything that couples do. Don’t send cutesy messages with cheesy quotes, don’t spend the night together, and don’t go out on dates.
Still, all of this doesn’t mean that you have to take out every sense of kindness, no, it rather means that you don’t want to do anything that might resemble a regular relationship. You can still treat your casual partner with respect even if you don’t have any loving feelings for them whatsoever.
That’s why casual sex adventures are the best with strangers. You might want to consider leaving your friends and the people you know out of your casual combination because that tends to not end well for one of you.
Finally, casual sex means that you are free to date more than just one partner. The more upfront you are, the easier things will be for you. It’s recommended to clearly say right away that you want only sex and nothing more.