Casual sex is fun and exciting. And guess what, so are women.
The two are as compatible as Scorpio and Aquarius or Netflix and chill. Without open-minded girls, there’d hardly be any hookup culture in the first place. All of you lady buffs, guys and sexually fluid women included, would have a hard time finding a partner to hook up with.
Sure, women like commitment. And yes, the fairer sex is deeply emotional. We want to love and feel loved as much as the next girl, but we also want somebody to adore us with no strings attached. Being a woman is not about settling down; it’s about being allowed to feel.
And there’s so much to feel, taste, and explore.
Here’s what kind of a casual sex partner women prefer to sample.
(Spoiler alert, it’s not Jon Hamm type.)
Commitment or Not, Women Are Finicky
Women like casual sex for all the same reasons men do. It’s steamy without being suffocating. It’s hot because it’s liberating. It’s a superfood for our hormones that doesn’t make us overfed or hungry for more. With casual sex, there’s no tiredness, no confusion, no heartbreak.
Only pure, innocent, confidence-boosting fun. And it’s so easy!
The only difference is – a woman can be into casual sex, but not be into you.
We’re picky that way, and we’ll hardly go to bed with just about any person that laughs at our jokes. Girls look for specific things when they’re looking to hook up, and that’s only natural. Casual sex may not involve emotional intimacy, but it still involves physical vulnerability.
Did you know that women are more likely to suffer from STDs, for instance? Though both genders are diagnosed with sexually transmitted diseases in about equal numbers, women experience symptoms less often than men. If uncaught, an STD in women leads to infertility.
You must agree, there’s a lot to be careful about here.
Safety First, Pleasure Later
Let’s begin this sensitive topic by saying that women have never been more empowered than today. Financially, politically, emotionally, and sexually speaking, modern-day girls are fully independent. No one can stop us now. Physically, however, we can still be overpowered.
True, many of us are into CrossFit and weight-lifting. We carry our own groceries and act all Captain Marvel, but men are still physically stronger. There’s nothing discriminatory about it, it’s just the way nature made us. Our diverse bodies are meant for loving, not fighting.
So here’s your first casual sex tip – respect that.
A girl’s perfect casual hookup doesn’t have to look like any of the Targarians. He, if she prefers men, doesn’t need a chiseled jawline or sad eyes or ripped abs. She, in case our lady enjoys making out with girls, doesn’t need a kinky smirk or silken hair or milk-white skin.
To be a perfect casual sex toy to your girl crush, the only thing you need for start is respect. Respect for her body. Respect for her choosy nature. Respect for her physical vulnerability. Respect for her decision to change her mind at the last moment if she doesn’t feel safe.
A Girl’s Perfect Hookup Wears Protection
Let’s be perfectly blunt here:
If you are a guy hoping to have some devil-may-care fun with a girl, you must wear a condom. Don’t make up excuses. For all the reasons we’ve discussed earlier, women are simply not comfortable risking their health for somebody’s piercing eyes. It’s just not worth it.
We’re many things, but irresponsible is not one of them.
The Importance of Being Earnest
Before you get all frustrated about it, just hear us out. Sex is a powerplay, but it’s also letting go. The element of safety is crucial exactly because nobody likes a prude in bed. We want passion and sweat and ripped clothes. Otherwise, we’d be married or living in a convent.
The point is, women want to feel wanted, every step of the way.
So when we say that as a perfect casual sex partner you must be earnest too, we mean dead-serious about showing her good time. This is a bit hard to explain, as the kind of confidence we’re hinting at shouldn’t be confused for machoism. It must feel natural and sincere.
Let’s put it in do’s and don’ts then. Do be yourself, whoever that person is. If you’re a self-conscious introvert, don’t curb your awkwardness. If you’re on the opposite side of the spectrum, do flirt away. Just don’t be pushy and rude. Find a balance and try to maintain it.
But whoever you are and whatever your style is,
Make it crystal clear that you want her right then and there.
Don’t Be the Strong Silent Type
You know how they say that in every man’s heart is a Mexican mistress? As dangerous as they are, stereotypes don’t exist with no reason. Especially in the context of casual hookups, girls often dream about a mysterious stranger who’s kind of bad but is actually kind of good.
This is your Humphrey Bogart, or for girls who like girls, your Lauren Bacall.
Whether you are this “strong silent type” or the “Hawksian woman”, you must be straight-forward about a couple of things in order to get a girl to hook up with you. First, you must disclose your intentions. Tell her exactly what you want before you go on and take it.
If she agrees, lucky you. If not, don’t ever try to convince her otherwise.
The lines between casual hookups and no-consent sex are blurry enough without you trying to pull off a surprise move and wait to see whether she like it or not. Be very upfront about how kinky you are. That way, you can go your separate ways with no feelings hurt.
And second, tell her about your history of STDs. Nobody likes talking about that, but it doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker. In this twisted world we live in, girls find honesty very refreshing. By giving her the freedom to choose, you’re giving her the control she needs to feel safe.
And that’s a major turn on.
On a Road to Self-Fulfillment
Speaking of control, women who engage in casual sex usually do so because they have no time for relationships. Like we’ve said earlier, there’s too much to feel, taste, and explore outside of the conventional boundaries of love. Partying or career, it doesn’t matter.
These women are learning to be in love with themselves first.
And sometimes, that means that they’re flawed.
It’s very easy to take advantage of somebody’s curiosity, especially if that somebody is trying to find out who they are both personally and sexually. But a girl’s perfect casual hookup is a gentleman. He, or she, would never misguide her into thinking that something bad is good.
There’s no special lesson in this, nor a mind-blowing trick that will help you get it on with a cute girl. Just be a decent human being, that’s all. If she’s drunk, get her number, call her an Uber home, and send her a sexy text tomorrow. She’ll rock your mind when she gets sober.
She Likes Taking the Initiative
According to research, women are more likely to regret short-term sexual encounters than men are. And thereby lies the paradox that leads to misconceptions about girls and hookups. We like it, but then we don’t. It’s confusing to both genders but extremely harmful to women.
Except, that’s only one part of this scientific discovery.
So let’s see it in full.
According to research, women are more likely to regret short-term sexual encounters in situations when they don’t take the initiative. But when they do, they “see the man as an attractive sexual partner”, confirms a psychology professor Leif Edvard Ottesen Kennair.
It’s perfectly logical, as being in control of what you’re doing means having the freedom to make your own choices. By allowing your hookup to take the initiative, you’re creating a safe environment for her to express and explore her sexuality. And that’s hot for both of you.
Especially so because the same research reveals that women rarely regret having a one-night-stand if their “partner was skilled and they felt sexually satisfied”. This is actually less important to men. You’ll get what you came for either way, so you might as well let her take the lead.
Curb Your Enthusiasm, Please
A certain Eleanor is a girl who knows what she wants:
“Currently, casual hookups feel like the right fit for my life”, she confessed in an interview for Elite Daily. “I love that casual hookups/relationships provide me with the freedom to carry on with my life without adding any extra weight, messiness, or time.” Simple and elegant.
When asked why they are attracted to casual sex, most women have a similar response. They are in grad school or successfully employed, and they find personal fulfillment in their career, friends, and family. They don’t, and we repeat, they don’t need or want a relationship.
So don’t try to impose that on them.
Not only will you fail, but you’ll also ruin a perfectly fine chance for a hot fling.
Most men make a terrible mistake presuming that girls would say yes to anything if that would make them one step closer to tying the knot. That assumption is as offensive as it is stupid. If you’re not certain about what you want, don’t hook up first and plea for attention later.
What Girls Expect from Online Hookups
If you’re hoping to hook up with a girl online, don’t invite her to your place straight away and get all cocky if she refuses to come. She won’t expect you to wine and dine her as if she was your girlfriend, but she’ll want to feel safe around somebody she’s never met in person.
You can meet her in a club and then take her home.
Let’s see what else women expect from the online dating-without-commitment scene. No creepy nudes, for starters, at least not until you’ve introduced yourself. Coming off as a perv won’t exactly make you a girl’s perfect hookup. You’ll be lucky not to get reported.
It doesn’t count as dating if you take some time to reassure your potential hookup that you’re not a maniac. Since online hookup apps don’t offer any other cues to your personality except for what you decide to write and send, trying to rush it can only leave you sore.
Generosity Is the Ultimate Lubricant
Casual sex and emotions don’t go in the same sentence except to underline the lack of connection between them. But sex without emotions is still an exchange. Lovers have plenty to give other than love. Sometimes it’s warmth and consolation, other times it’s plain energy.
Girls will always want you to give before they’ll let you receive.
And here’s your final casual sex tip – be generous.
Take every opportunity to show her that you’re not a selfish lover. Hold her coat. Open a cab door for her. Offer her a quick bite. Ask her whether she likes it with lights on or off. Make sure she’s not cold. You know, human things. Be kind, considerate, and friendly, or just go home.
Don’t worry, she won’t confuse you for her boyfriend. The fact that you won’t see each other ever again doesn’t mean that you should act like a jerk. You like it a little rough? Chances are, she likes that too. What she doesn’t like is being treated like half a person because of it.
Casual sex is fun and exciting. But guess what, women still have feelings.
Each of us is her own person. Some of us like casual sex, some of us don’t. And if you’re still confused about what we view as a perfect hookup, here’s a quick sum up – be your flirty, confident, and decent self, communicate what turns you on beforehand, and respect our right to say no.
Also, wear a f*cking condom.
