Entering a casual sexual relationship can be a bit tricky and confusing, especially if you’re doing it for the very first time. You might be thinking that this is the time for fun and fun only. No strings attached must mean I can do what I want, say what I want, no consequences.
Well, hold it there, cowboy. A casual relationship is still, in fact, a relationship. No matter how awesome it is, in order to make it work, there have to be some rules and boundaries that are not meant to be crossed. One of the essential rules of casual hookups is that the people taking part in them must show some respect to one another.
Mutual respect is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, no matter how casual or serious it is. If you’re having a lot of fun with your sex buddy and would like that no-strings-attached thing to continue happening, you must have some nice and juicy mutual respect thing going on. Let’s take a closer look at why respect is important.
It’s a Must If You Want to Hook up with a Girl Online
Hooking up with a girl online can sometimes be quite difficult. How many times have you been left on “read”? How many times have you been ghosted?
While every girl is different, and every one of them is probably searching for something different, they all have at least one thing in common, and that is the desire for respect.
There’s already a lot of social stigma surrounding casual relationships, and like it or not, it’s usually the girls who bear the brunt of it. Yeah, we live in the 21st century, political correctness is important, everyone should try to play nice, but things like slut-shaming are still around.
Girls are being judged harshly if they show promiscuity in the slightest. The higher their number of sexual partners, the tougher the judgment.
Even though we’re experiencing a sexual revolution, society is forcing girls to feel bad for wanting to have fun. And if they’re forced to feel bad by the person they’re having fun with, well, is it even worth it?
When everyone is being disrespectful to them because of their lifestyle, they’re not very likely to continue with it. Respect and some common human decency are a must if you want to hook up with a girl.
The Same Goes If You Want to Hook up with a Guy
While guys have traditionally had more liberty to express themselves sexually, this doesn’t mean it’s all so easy on them.
They might not have to deal as much with the pressure of social judgment, but those that like to indulge in casual relationships are often considered to be heartless, players, and just plain assholes. No normal guy would like to be labeled as such.
It’s not uncommon for girls to treat the guys they’re casually hooking up with as garbage. Unfortunately, most girls have the experience of being treated the same, so they take it as normal behavior in casual relationships.
Whether you’re a guy or girl, no one wants to be treated like a piece of meat. No one wants to be demeaned and disrespected.
Just because a relationship is casual, it doesn’t mean that everyone suddenly gets the right to treat others like crap. If you want to hook up with a guy online, it’s simply decent to show him some respect. Sex and gender have nothing to do with how you should treat someone. Everyone deserves at least a little bit of respect, no matter who they are.
Casual Sex is All About Fun
For most people, having a casual relationship is a dream come true. It doesn’t matter what their reasons are. Maybe they’re too busy to devote their time and energy to a serious relationship. Maybe they want to experience all the fish in the sea. Maybe they’re doing it simply because they want to. What’s important is that they’re having fun along the way.
One of the beauties of casual relationships is that they’re really not about the “destination”. There are no questions like “Where’s this relationship going? What are we?”. Since you should have no expectations and no feelings, there’s no end to the road. It’s about the journey. It’s about your sexual exploration, and it’s about your enjoyment.
What happens if the journey’s not comfortable, however? Since you have no end goal for this relationship, what happens if you hit a few bumps on the road? Being disrespected shouldn’t be considered a road bump as much as a roadblock, if we’re being honest, no matter what kind of relationship we’re talking about, serious or casual.
If you’re constantly being disrespected, you can’t possibly be having fun. And vice versa – if you’re disrespectful to your partner, they’re not having fun either. This relationship is about mutual enjoyment. As much as your enjoyment is important, so is your partners. So, show respect and go have fun.
Respect and Trust are a Winning Combo
We’ve touched upon the topic of social stigma and social judgment that surround casual relationships. Most people would want to avoid them in their entirety if possible, and the only way to do that is by being discrete.
Hookups are an ideal arrangement for those who’d like to explore their sexuality, try out new things, new positions, etc. And most would be (at least a bit) ashamed of what’s going on behind closed doors in the bedroom. This is why discretion is essential.
Since most people put such a big emphasis on discretion in casual relationships, they prefer to find trustworthy people to get kinky with. Now, how can you trust a complete stranger you’ve met on a dating/ hookup app? You can’t really.
What most would do is search for signs that the person is trustworthy. Those might include just your own gut instinct, it might be the way your potential sexual partner talks, or how they behave. However, the telltale sign that they’re not trustworthy is if they’re being disrespectful.
When someone disrespects you, you cannot really expect they’ll respect your privacy. To make a hookup work, instill trust in your partner by showing respect to them.
This can work the other way around as well. To show your respect to your partner, be discrete about your relationship. When it comes to great hookups, these two concepts are intertwined.
Fight the Social Stigma
Most of the judgment from others comes from the belief that no-strings-attached relationships are simply animalistic. There’s no decency, no morals, or anything. They believe it’s degrading. If you’ve ever been in a quality casual relationship, you’ll know that these are just misconceptions. You’ll know how good these relationships can actually be.
Casual relationships can be liberating. You don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not just so that your partner will like you. You don’t have to hide your desires. It’s all open and transparent.
Now, the problem is that, while often wrong, the beliefs of people who are against this hookup culture can have a huge influence on the behavior of people in casual relationships. The more people tell you these relationships are degrading, the more you’ll believe it, and the more you’ll act like they are.
This means you’ll be more likely to start mistreating your partner, or they’ll be more likely to start mistreating you. This is why it’s crucial to fight the social stigma that surrounds casual sex.
It’s important to show that casual relationships can be fulfilling and beneficial. Can you guess how you can do that? Yeah, by showing respect. Mutual respect can show both you and others that there’s nothing wrong with these relationships and that they can be pretty awesome if I do say so myself.
Avoid Power Struggles
Believe it or not, power struggles are not exclusive to long-term relationships. They’re quite common in hookups as well, and one of the ways to avoid them is through mutual respect.
Power struggles can take many forms and they can be caused by a variety of things. If there’s always one person who initiates the booty calls, one person who says when, where, and how long you’ll be enjoying your encounter, it’s a recipe for disaster.
No-strings doesn’t equal no respect. The problem usually arises from trying to keep your emotional distance. For a casual deal to work out, it’s important to keep it casual and not let your emotions get in the way. The most common way that people try to keep their emotional distance is through disrespect.
They try to train their casual partner to respond to their every call, do exactly what they want and when they want it. It’s important to remember that while your booty call should help satisfy you sexually, you’re not training a pet. Treat your partner like a human being, and you’ll receive more pleasure.
If you’re being disrespectful to keep your emotions at bay, you might not be ready for a casual relationship. These relationships ask for a certain level of maturity. You need to be in a good mental place before you enter them, and you need to learn how to control your emotions in a healthy way, not by dehumanizing or degrading your partners.
Make It Work in the Long Run
By this, I don’t mean trying to force a long-term, committed relationship. This is about having a lasting and beneficial casual relationship.
The thing is, most people prefer to have a single casual sex partner. The reasons behind this vary. Some would prefer to limit their exposure to STDs for example. Some believe this is the best way to keep their preferences discreet. Others simply prefer to have a single trustworthy casual partner.
If you’d like to be in a monogamous casual relationship and enjoy it, you cannot do it by being disrespectful.
Listening to your partner’s suggestions and giving in to their desires is not only for their benefit, however. Yes, this will make them feel respected and appreciated, but there’s something in it for you as well.
Casual relationships are an excellent place for experimentation and learning. Not only can you make your own dreams come to life, but you can also get to learn something new from your partner, and who knows, you might even enjoy it.
When there’s mutual respect, you can feel more open to exciting suggestions, you can try different positions or locations. It’s sometimes nice to lose control a bit, and let your partner steer the wheel. Not knowing what to expect brings more adrenaline and might make your encounter more pleasurable. So, showing respect has benefits for both of you.
Respect through Honesty
The best way to show respect is by being completely honest with your partner and allowing them to be completely honest with you. This is essential for having that whole arrangement work out.
Primarily, it’s important to be honest about how you’re feeling. And yes, that includes being honest about the emotions you don’t have as well. If your partner is developing feelings for you, but you don’t feel the same, you should let them know. Again, casual sex is about fun, for you and your partner(s). You shouldn’t be stringing anyone along no matter how you’re feeling.
Another one of the more important topics you should be completely open about is protection and STDs. Unfortunately, casual sex can sometimes have unwelcomed consequences, and in case you experience any of them, you should let your partner know immediately. Otherwise, you’re putting yourself and others at risk.
Being honest with your casual sex partner is the best sign of respect, and it’s the best way for both (or all) of you to be enjoying this relationship.
Without respect, no relationship can truly work out, this includes all the casual relationships as well. If you’re not showing respect to your partners, you might not be ready for these relationships, and if you feel disrespected by them, it’s in your best interest to end the relationship and find someone better. Luckily, there’s an app for that, so it shouldn’t be much of a problem.