We’ve never had more liberty than we do today to explore our sexuality and be so open about it, and while this hookup culture is being more widely accepted, it’s still a bit of a taboo in certain environments, and not everyone can wrap their head around it.
Those who can, however, when they talk about casual sex, they usually speak of guys having it, and girls having trouble with it. But the fact of the matter is – guys can also encounter certain issues in today’s hookup culture.
Guys are having some unique difficulties when it comes to casual sex, and based on those difficulties we can divide them into 2 very broad categories – those who’re having a hard time getting it, and those who’re having a hard time grasping it, so let’s have a look.
Men Who Can’t Grasp It/Don’t Want It
While women are more likely to regret having casual sex than men, there’s still lots of guys out there who’d prefer not to get involved in any of this. Whether these men are not interested in casual sex at all, or are interested but don’t have the courage to seek it out is not really the point here.
People have plenty of different reasons for refraining from casual sex, and each person’s reasoning is unique. There are some commonalities, however, so let’s check them out.
Social Stigma
When talking about casual sex, we usually associate women with the social stigma that comes with it (and we’ll take a look at this a bit later), but men have to deal with a certain aspect of it as well. While it’s more widely accepted for men to indulge in this kind of sexual activity, they do receive a lot of criticism for it.
Many men are shamed for their sexual behavior, and while their closest friends might call them “players” with a good connotation behind it, others might have other ideas in mind when they hear this word. After all, which “good girl” would want to settle down with a man like that? No one wants to have a serious relationship with a potential cheater.
While cheating and casual sex don’t really go hand in hand, unfortunately, no matter how free we are to explore our sexuality and enjoy sex just for the sake of it, there’ll always be this kind of social stigma behind it. Some men simply don’t want to deal with it, and they choose to avoid having casual sex.
Morality
Morality plays a huge part in our way of thinking and behaving. It dictates our everyday actions regardless of our sex, sexual preferences, astrological signs, and whatnot. Basically, our sense of what’s right and what’s wrong is instilled in us from childhood, and it’s difficult changing the way we see the world once we’ve developed certain opinions about it.
Now, the hookup culture is growing in popularity and acceptance, but you do have to keep in mind that it wasn’t like that before, as a matter of fact, it wasn’t quite like that until just recently. Older generations were taught to think that sex is kind of bad, especially sex before marriage, and they tried to pass this belief on to their children. Some rejected this belief, and some didn’t.
Even those who completely rejected these teachings might still have some trouble actually indulging in casual sex. While in theory they’re completely for it, and they know all the benefits that come with casual sex, all the logic is there, they just can’t seem to really and do it themselves.
Many men and women deal with feelings of regret the morning after, and that regret is caused by nothing else than our sense of morality.
Family Values
The same thing about morality applies to the family values people have. We were all taught about the importance of staying within the confines of family life – get married, have kids, grow old, it’s the only way to live.
Casual can never mix with serious intentions, and if you want to enjoy some nice, juicy casual sex, you cannot possibly think about settling down or starting a family down the line. Of course, this belief is dead wrong, but many people seem to keep to this way of thinking.
Family values kind of tie up with social stigma and morality, and many people are having a pretty hard time understanding that having fun and enjoying yourself doesn’t limit your ability to find something more serious down the line, but to each their own.
Chemistry
When you have sex, your brain releases the “love” hormones, and it can get tricky distinguishing horniness from affection.
We often think that women are the ones who are more likely to develop feelings, start getting their hopes up, and start falling in love with their hookup, and while all this might be true (or it might not), many men tend to develop feelings themselves.
Some of them can get the scientific side of things and learn how to deal with that. Others cannot. Even if you know that it’s just hormones, it’s a natural occurrence and everyone gets that after getting laid, it’s still very difficult separating your brain from your heart.
For a casual sex deal to be successful, you have to keep the emotions under check, and that’s often easier said than done. Many guys out there just don’t want to risk developing feelings for their hookup just in case those feelings aren’t reciprocated.
Especially if someone’s already had a similar experience and they’ve already been burned. You want to avoid that feeling of rejection, and the only way to do it is to not put yourself at risk in the first place. This is one of the most common reasons why men (and women) find casual sex so hard.
Awkwardness
Now, anyone who’s ever had a one-night stand or a similar hookup knows about the awkwardness of the morning after. What do you say? How do you behave? Do you promise to keep in touch? It can be excruciating going through that whole experience, and that feeling of awkwardness can really get to you.
Unless you learn how to overcome that feeling, it just keeps getting worse and worse every time you go through it, and that’s no fun. You know the deal – casual sex and hookups are all about the fun, and it’s not really enjoyable if everything’s just plain awkward afterwards.
So many people simply avoid having one-night stands and casual sex in general, if it’s too difficult it’s not worth it.
Men Who Can’t Get It
This might be a larger group of people than the previous one. Guys who’re super into casual sex and everything that it entails, but who just can’t seem to find a good match for it. Again, there’s plenty of reasons behind this specific difficulty, so let’s take a closer look at the most common ones.
Social Stigma, Vol. 2
As it’s been mentioned, it’s usually the women who bear the brunt of social stigma that lies behind the hookup culture. Generally speaking, girls don’t usually have as big of a support network if they go for this kind of lifestyle. There’ll rarely be a close friend who gets it, everyone else will simply be full of judgement and criticism.
This is especially true in smaller communities and towns. The word gets around easily, and soon women who appreciate casual sex for what it is find themselves being criticized on every corner. Becoming a social outcast can have a serious impact on your self-esteem, self-value, and of course your everyday life.
Many women don’t want to deal with various problems that come with this lifestyle, so they refrain from it completely. A straight male who’d like to get an awesome one-night stand would find it pretty hard to do this if there’s no girl in sight who’d like to do the same thing.
Regret
It’s said that usually the women regret the casual sex they’ve had, while the men regret the opportunities that they’ve missed. For the ladies out there that’ve had casual sexual encounters before and have had to deal with strong feelings of regret later, it’s difficult to really get back in the game. Again – with very limited options, it’d hard for men to find casual sex partners.
There are many reasons why women might have stronger feelings of regret. Generally speaking, women tend to experience feelings of disgust more strongly than men. When it comes to casual sex, they might feel disgusted by the act itself, or by their choices and actions.
Morality again plays a huge role, and they might be feeling like they’ve done something morally wrong. Both of these things lead to very strong feelings of regret that are hard to overcome, so they’d prefer not to make the same mistake twice.
Attractiveness
We all like to think that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it’s always much more important what’s on the inside rather than on the outside. And these things are true – for serious relationships that is.
When you’re looking for that special someone, your Mr. or Mrs. Right, it’s important that they’re considerate, kind, intelligent, funny, all that good stuff, and being attractive is just a plus. In casual relationships on the other hand, it’s all about the attraction.
Everyone has their own type, tall guys into sports, cute nerdy guys with glasses, dark-haired, light-haired, and so on, but what’s really important is that your casual sex partner finds you attractive. Hookups are all about the passion, erotic desire, and sexual attraction. If a girl’s into casual sex, she wants to do it with the best-looking guy in the room. It’s the same with guys, so don’t judge.
One of the main reasons guys find hooking up so difficult is simply because they’re not attractive to the girl they’d like to get kinky with. It’s a harsh truth, but true nonetheless. Don’t despair, however, because with so many dating apps and sites, it’s much easier to find a good match for a hookup.
Discretion
While men usually can’t wait to brag about getting laid with a hottie the night before, the social stigma issues force women to be more discreet about it.
They don’t want their sex life to be the topic of conversation around town, and if a man’s known to spread tales about his intimate encounters, he’ll find it much more difficult to find future encounters.
When it comes to safe and enjoyable casual sex, discretion is one of the most important things. Casual sex is supposed to help everyone feel relaxed and become more open to new experiences. The bedroom is a place free of judgement, and no one wants to feel judged after leaving it.
So, guys who can stay discreet about their casual sex partners will be much appreciated by the ladies looking for a good hookup.
Honesty
Honesty might not always be the best policy, but it definitely is in casual sex. If you’ve noticed that you can get a lot of dates through that online dating app you’re using, but can’t get anything out of them, it might just be that you’re being too dishonest.
Everyone lies on their dating profiles, and everyone wants to present themselves in the perfect light, but if you go over the top, it’ll be difficult for women to trust you enough to get in bed with you. Using a fake profile picture, describing yourself as someone you’re not, those things will get you nowhere.
You always have to keep in mind that a dating app is just an intermediary, and you’ll hopefully be meeting these people in real life, so stay as honest as possible.
Sex is one of the most natural, yet one of the most difficult things in life. Men often encounter unique problems in today’s hookup culture, and find casual sex to be hard to get. Figuring out what’s causing the difficulties hopefully helps you deal with them, so now that you know what’s up you can improve your game.
