Did you ever have a casual sex relationship? If you did, you know that there are a billion ways to end that kind of relationship. Mostly, there is no break-up, but your partner, or even you, just stop all communication when you get bored. Why would you complicate your life with long talks and hard feelings if you don’t have to?
Maybe this story sounds familiar, but this isn’t an ultimatum. This situation can rapidly change if you involve feelings. That’s the where I draw the line between love and lust. Feelings are the bridge that divides a casual sex relationship from ‘’normal” relationships.
If you start to feel something, it’s okay. If you start to imagine a real serious relationship, that’s also okay.
The biggest problem is talking.
It must be very uncomfortable to talk to your casual sex partner about a long-term relationship and commitment. On the other hand, if you don’t talk openly, you might get hurt. It’s horrible when one party has emotions, but the other has no clue about it.
Are those who want something more doomed, or is there a way?
That feeling of loneliness can wake up deeply buried emotions and make us do or say more than we want. If you feel rejected and excluding that might be a sign to break-up and leave or to gather your courage and talk about your emotions.
Since life isn’t a romantic comedy with a happy ending by default, get ready to hear the worst. When you get involved in a sexual relationship, you have to be aware that your partner still wants only sex, not something more serious.
If you can separate in your head the difference between a casual sex relationship and a long-term relationship, while staying cold-blooded, a relationship based on sex might be a perfect solution for you.
If you want something more serious, there are a few ways to find out if there is a chance for your relationship to develop further, because turning a casual thing into a real relationship is possible.
Tip #1: Try to find out if your partner is interested too
Before embarrassing yourself by talking about commitment, find a clue about your partners’ desires. There are a few ways to find out what your partner wants, but the first thing you should do is observe their behavior.
If your partner is interested, they will call you more often, maybe go out with you in public places or even invite you to their place for a conversation, to watch a movie, listen to music or just hang out. If something like this has happened before, that might be a sign that your partner wants something more than a relationship based purely on sex.
At this point, the first question you should ask yourself is: “Does he/she respect me enough?” If your answer is affirmative, keep reading.
There is one more fundamental difference. How often does your partner call you? If you hear from your partner rarely, only in the middle of the night, you should restrict sex and find another partner, unless your behavior is the same and that’s the way you two function the best.
If your partner calls you often on a daily basis or once in a few days, you have no reasons to worry.
Tip #2: Spend some extra time together
After you find a clue that your partner is interested too, try to spend some extra time together. Don’t exaggerate because you might scare your partner away. The point of casual sex is a relationship based solely on sex that happens from time to time, and nothing more.
If you insist to see each other too often, you might make it clear to your partner that you want something much more serious than a casual fling. Slowly let them know that you want something more serious by trying to get them to go out or hang out with you.
Even if you spend a lot of time chatting in bed after sleeping together, the time spent outside the bed is very important. Try to talk about your hobbies and the things you do when you have some free time. If they like your activities, invite them and enjoy.
That’s the great way to get to know each other. Since you are in a position to decide what you want, be aware of that.
Tip #3: Show that you do care
Hanging out often and talking and doing other things that real couples do at the beginning of a relationship means that both of you want something more. Daily text messages like “What’s up, how are you?” or long phone calls are definitely a good sign.
Now it’s time for you to relax and lightly show that you do care. Don’t buy gifts or invite them on family gatherings but try to be yourself as much as possible. Don’t reveal too much because it’s better to stay mysterious.
It’s enough to just show that you feel great near your partner. That will let them know that you care and that you might be interested in something more serious. Also, try to make your partner feel good too.
Tip #4: Stay calm and positive
When you realize that everything is going smoothly and according to your plan, take it easy and stay calm. If your partner feels that you are insecure, your relationship might end sooner than you thought. Your negative energy can only lead to failure.
At this point, the most important thing is to be positive and smile. If your positive energy and charisma don’t attract your partners’ imagination, nothing will. The fact that you are in a casual relationship based on sex already means that your partner finds you attractive physically, so don’t worry.
Be ready to talk and, more importantly, to listen. If you show that you are happy and open for something more, your partner might make the next step. Regular conversations about everyday life can bring you only good. Just try to act natural and be patient, because your anxiety can project on your partner.
Tip #5: Don’t misunderstand your partners’ actions
The fact that you’ve read through the article all the way to here means that there is hope. Your next step is to analyze the essential situations that happened earlier. If your partner occasionally hangs out with you after sex it doesn’t mean that they’re ready for a commitment. Try to understand your partners’ actions.
The worst possible scenario is that you openly tell them about everything you feel and that in return you get a refusal. When you leave your comfort zone and say more than you should, rejection by a partner may be stressful. It’s best to anticipate that your partner may not feel the same. If that happens, just move on because you wanted only sex too at the beginning of this relationship.
Tip #6: Get ready to talk because no one can read your mind
If it becomes evident that your partner is also showing some signs of commitment, it’s time for a talk. The only way you can show what you want is communication! If you want your partner to consider the further development of the relationship from your casual sex, you have to tell them how you feel.
If you give them a clue about your feelings, there might be a chance that the feeling is mutual. Only after you vocalize your desires can you expect feedback.
If you keep your feelings deep inside yourself for too long, the only outcome can be anxious behavior and stress. Relax and talk because rejection isn’t the worst thing that can happen. Imagine how hard it can be if you suffer because of unrequited love only because you couldn’t tell the other person how you felt.
Tip #7: Separate lust from love
Developing a relationship based on lust is tough. Concupiscence is the first mutual feeling you had from the beginning of your relationship, but your characters also need to match for a more serious relationship.
Once you leave your comfort zone, you’ll be able to consider the development of something like a long-term relationship. When you started a sexual relationship, you knew that you were just a hookup, not the love of their life.
Even if you felt that a long-term relationship with someone you don’t know is what you want, maybe this isn’t a perfect moment for that. Your sexual attraction for the other person doesn’t mean that a relationship full of commitment is what needs to happen.
If you are sure that your heart wants a relationship, follow your heart. But if you want to develop a relationship with your casual sex partner only because of their physical appearance, consider quitting.
Tip #8: Don’t try to fix what isn’t broken
The two of you might be perfect for occasional sex. Maybe a long-term relationship can ruin the passion and physical attraction or the sexual magnetism that you both feel. It’s a shame to destroy something that’s already nice if there’s a possibility that you won’t get anything better in return.
Maybe it’s best to enjoy what you have than to replace the feeling of satisfaction with a tortuous relationship. Just because you think that there’s space for growing a relationship, it doesn’t mean that it will become the relationship of your dreams.
If you still think that you want to develop a relationship from a casual sex hookup without obligations, you must be right.
Follow your dreams but be aware that you might regret it.
If you’ve followed these steps and developed a long-term relationship from casual sex, congratulations! You made it. It won’t hurt if you consider some consequences and issues that may pop up in the future. On the other hand, if you aren’t sure whether you want a relationship, read the following tip to prevent the agony that can follow.
Tip #9: Get ready for conviction
Changing partners for casual sex might be an unpleasant topic for your partner. Since it is casual, they might assume that you do it often with other people. The fact that you slept on the first ‘’date’’ may ruin your reputation. Love after lust is hard to develop, but it isn’t impossible, just be persistent.
Tip #10: No more friends with benefits
If you like to enjoy casual sex on the side from time to time, apart from this relationship, you have to stop it. Monogamy is now your middle name.
My goal isn’t to scare and detract you from the idea of developing a relationship with your casual sex partner, but to warn you about the possible scenarios that might happen. While Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman make it look easy in ‘’No strings attached”, getting busy with a friend or unknown person can get complicated faster than you think.
I know a lot of people who made it. Sometimes it happens easily without difficulty, sometimes with a lot of barriers and stressful situations. From my point of view, casual sex can lead to something more serious.
Sex is a significant part of a relationship, so there’s nothing wrong in trying it out before you commit to love. We all know that you need much more time than you think for developing love. The chemistry may blur our mind and cause us to make stupid and silly decisions.
Since you are in a position to decide what you want, be aware of that. You can realize your desires. When you become sure that both of you want the same thing – a long-term relationship – you can breathe out and enjoy. This is the moment when you can let things develop on their own.